Bailiff: I found him like this in the bathroom, your honor. Somebody beat the hell out of him! Judge Marshall Stevens: Who did this? Fletcher Reede: A mad man, your honor, a desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope. Judge Marshall Stevens: What did he look like? Fletcher Reede: About 6'2", 180 pounds, big teeth, kinda gangly.
出自電影《大話王》 的經典對白。
更多大話王的經典對白
老師說人應該注重內在美，其實只有長得醜的才那樣說。
Judge Marshall Stevens: It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.
Greta: Am I too late? Have you been sexually molested yet? Because I can circle the block.
Max Reede: I wish, that for only one day, Dad couldn't tell a lie.
Fletcher Reede: The pen is blue, the pen is blue, the goddamn pen is blue!
Fletcher Reede: Greta, please! I'm on my knees in a nine-hundred-dollar suit!
Fletcher Reede: Audrey, great news! Both my legs are broken so they can't take me right to jail.
Judge Marshall Stevens: Mr. Reede, I'm tired and very cranky!
Fletcher Reede: Listen, I'm really sorry, but I just... I just can't make it. The boss is REALLY ridin' me!
Fletcher Reede: It was me!
Judge Marshall Stevens: It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.
Greta: Am I too late? Have you been sexually molested yet? Because I can circle the block.
Max Reede: I wish, that for only one day, Dad couldn't tell a lie.
Fletcher Reede: The pen is blue, the pen is blue, the goddamn pen is blue!
Fletcher Reede: Greta, please! I'm on my knees in a nine-hundred-dollar suit!
Judge Marshall Stevens: Mr. Reede, I'm tired and very cranky!
Fletcher Reede: Audrey, great news! Both my legs are broken so they can't take me right to jail.
Greta: He knocked over another ATM. This time at knifepoint. He needs your legal advice. Fletcher Reede: Stop breaking the law, asshole!
Max Reede: My teacher tells me real beauty is on the inside. Fletcher Reede: That's just something ugly people say.
Macho Attorney at Elevator: Hey, Fletcher, how's it hanging? Fletcher Reede: Short, shriveled, and always to the left.
Judge Marshall Stevens: How are we this morning, Counselor? Dana Appleton: Fine, thank you. Judge Marshall Stevens: And how about you, Mr. Reede? Fletcher Reede: I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night. Judge Marshall Stevens: Well, you're young. It'll happen more and more. In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?
Fletcher Reede: You scratched my car! Tow Yard Employee: Where? Fletcher Reede: Right there! Tow Yard Employee: Oh... That was already there. Fletcher Reede: You -- LIAR! You know what I am going to do about this? Tow Yard Employee: What? Fletcher Reede: Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain 8 hours out of my life and you probably won't show up and even if I got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway; so what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe! Tow Yard Employee: You've been here before, haven't ya?
Fletcher Reede: Hi. Lady in Elevator: Hi. Fletcher Reede: New in the building? Lady in Elevator: Yeah, I just moved in Monday. Fletcher Reede: Oh! You like it so far? Lady in Elevator: Everybody's been real nice. Fletcher Reede: Well, that's because you have big jugs. Fletcher Reede: I mean, your boobs are huge. I mean, I wanna squeeze 'em. Mama!
Miranda: Well, what do you think of him? Fletcher Reede: He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking. Mr. Allen: That's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard. You're a real card, Reede. I love a good roast! Do Simmons! Fletcher Reede: Simmons is old! He should've been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home because he hates his wife! You've met her at the Christmas parties. She's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard! And you, Tom, you're the biggest brown-nose I've ever seen! You've got your head so far up Mr. Allen's ass, I can't tell where you end and he begins! Mr. Allen: Priceless! Fletcher Reede: You have bad breath caused by gingivitis. You couldn't get a porn star off. Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it alive. Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! Fletcher Reede: SLUT! Mr. Allen: I like your style, Reede! That's just what this stuffy company needs - a little irreverence! Fletcher Reede: Good! I'll see you later, dick-head! Mr. Allen: Keep your eye on that boy, dick-head!
Restroom Man: What the hell are you doing? Fletcher Reede: I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?
Fletcher Reede: Your honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break? Judge Marshall Stevens: Can't it wait? Fletcher Reede: Yes it can. But I've heard that if you hold it you could damage the prostate gland, making it very difficult to get an erection, or even become aroused! Judge Marshall Stevens: Is that true? Fletcher Reede: It has to be! Judge Marshall Stevens: In that case I'd better take a quick break myself.
Bailiff: I found him like this in the bathroom, your honor. Somebody beat the hell out of him! Judge Marshall Stevens: Who did this? Fletcher Reede: A mad man, your honor, a desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope. Judge Marshall Stevens: What did he look like? Fletcher Reede: About 6'2", 180 pounds, big teeth, kinda gangly.
Fletcher Reede: Red... red... Alright, now focus. Fletcher Reede: The color of this pen is ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh... Fletcher Reede: This pen is reeeeeeeeeeehhh- Fletcher Reede: The color of the pen that I HOLD in my hand is rrrrr-rrroyal blue! Fletcher Reede: AHH! One lie and I can't say it! Fletcher Reede: I'll write it! Fletcher Reede: Write it! Write it or I'll break it off! Fletcher Reede: No! C'mon! Fletcher Reede: Stop it! Greta: Boss? What happened? Fletcher Reede: The pen is blue. The pen is blue! The goddamn pen is blue!
Judge Marshall Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt! Fletcher Reede: I hold *myself* in contempt! Why should you be any different?
Fletcher Reede: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left. Audrey Reede: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.
Fletcher Reede: What is WRONG with me? Fletcher Reede: I'm getting what I deserve. I'm reaping what I sow. I'm...
Fletcher Reede: You brought your kids to your divorce? Samantha Cole: Sympathy. Fletcher Reede: Well, it's working! I feel sorry for them already!
Max Reede: Is wrestling real? Fletcher Reede: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.
Max Reede: If I keep making this face... will it get stuck that way? Fletcher Reede: Nuh-uh. As a matter of fact, some people make a very good living that way.
Fletcher Reede: Because I didn't want to talk to you! Fletcher Reede: Because you insist on talking about Dad's bowel movements; size, color, frequency. I'LL CALL YA LATER!
Fletcher Reede: Hi! Judge Stevens, I'm scheduled to be in your courtroom in half an hour? Judge Stevens, I badly, BADLY need a continuance! Fletcher Reede: Ill? Am I ill? That is the perfect question for you to ask! Fletcher Reede: Greta, PLEASE LIE to him for me! Greta: I remember when you bought me this antique silver frame from Tiffany's. TIFFANY'S? Fletcher Reede: Garage sale, six-fifty marked down from ten...
Jane: Do you like my new dress? Fletcher Reede: Whatever takes the focus off your head!
Fletcher Reede: Mrs. Cole, the only problem here is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support raising his children - they are his? Samantha Cole: Oh yeah. One for sure. Fletcher Reede: After all that, your husband wants to deny you a fair and equitable share of the marital assets based on one single act of indiscretion. Samantha Cole: Seven. Fletcher Reede: Beg your pardon? Samantha Cole: Seven single acts of indiscretion. Fletcher Reede: SEVEN! Acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence and all of which he himself is responsible for.
Dana Appleton: You wanna play hardball? I'm game. Fletcher Reede: Wanna play hardball? I'm game.
Fletcher Reede: Max! It's 8: 45, you made the wish at 8: 15. I've been able to lie for the past half hour. Max Reede: So you were - ? Fletcher Reede: No! It was the truth. I just wanted to be honest with you, Max. I always want to be honest with you.
Fletcher Reede: Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? I OBJECT, Your Honor, and I move to strike! Judge Marshall Stevens: Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick!
Fletcher Reede: You scratched my car! Tow Yard Employee: Where? Fletcher Reede: Right there! Tow Yard Employee: Oh, there... That was already there. Fletcher Reede: You... you -- LIAR! You know what I'm gonna do about this? Tow Yard Employee: What? Fletcher Reede: Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain 8 hours out of my life and you probably won't show up, and if I finally got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway, so what I'm gonna do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe! Tow Yard Employee: You've been here before, haven't ya?
Fletcher Reede: Your Honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break? Judge Marshall Stevens: Can't it wait? Fletcher Reede: Yes it can. But I've heard that if you hold it, you could damage the prostate gland, making it very difficult to get an erection, or even become aroused! Judge Marshall Stevens: Is that true? Fletcher Reede: It has to be! Judge Marshall Stevens: In that case, I'd better take a little break myself. But you get back here immediately so we can finish this.
Judge Marshall Stevens: Mr. Reede, it is out of sheer morbid curiosity I'm allowing this freak show to continue.
Fletcher Reede: Where would Tina Turner be right now if she'd rolled over and said, "Hit me again, Ike, and put some stank on it!"? Rollin' on the river, that's where she'd be. But she's beyond Thunderdome, because she decided to send a message? Fletcher Reede: Wake up, sisters! There is nooooooo such thing as a weaker sex!
