Dark Helmet: I can't breathe in this thing!
出自電影《太空堡大決戰》 的經典對白。
更多太空堡大決戰的經典對白
Dark Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?
Captain of the Guard: You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!
Dark Helmet: No, no, no. Go past this. Pass this part. In fact, never play this again.
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
Dark Helmet: Out of order? Fuck! Even in the future nothing works!
Dark Helmet: I can't breathe in this thing!
President Skroob: The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.
Dark Helmet: So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.
Dark Helmet: My brains are going into my feet!
President Skroob: Sandurz, Sandurz. You got to help me. I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions. I'm a president!
Dark Helmet: Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
Lone Starr: Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?
President Skroob: Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?
Princess Vespa: Hey! I don't have to put up with this! I'm rich!
Dark Helmet: Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted.
Dot Matrix: Hey wait, you forgot to get married!
Barf: Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Women and mogs first!
Snotty: Lock one... lock two... lock three... Loch Lomond...
Lone Starr: Helmet! So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time.
President Skroob: Never have that damn thing down in front of me. How I do I know you're not making faces at me under that thing?
Barf: Oh! That's gonna leave a mark.
Barf: It's not that we're afraid, far from it, it's just that we've got this thing about death... It's not us!
Dark Helmet: Very impressive, Lone Starr. Too bad this isn't the Wild World of Sports.
Self-Destruct Voice: Thank you for pressing the self destruct button.
Dark Helmet: Yogurt! Yogurt! I hate Yogurt! Even with Strawberries.
Barf: Oh, my gosh. It's not just a spaceship. It's a Transformer.
Yogurt: And may the Schwartz be with youuuyoyoy - oh what a world, what a world!
Dark Helmet: No, it's not what you think. It's much, much worse!
Dark Helmet: Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer!
Dark Helmet: WHAT? You went over my helmet?
Barf: They must've overshot us by about a week!
Lone Starr: Uh oh, here comes the Badyear blimp.
Prison Guard: Yeah, can't you read? No parking!
President Skroob: Why didn't anybody tell me my ass was this big?
TV Newsman: Coming up, Pongos review of Rocky Five... thousand.
Barf: Oh, you're right. And when you're right, you're right. And you, you're always right.
Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it! Laser Gunner: Sorry sir! I'm doing my best! Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner? Major Asshole: I did sir. He's my cousin. Dark Helmet: Who is he? Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole sir. Dark Helmet: I know that! What's his name? Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir. Asshole, Major Asshole! Dark Helmet: And his cousin? Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole too sir. Gunner's mate First Class Philip Asshole! Dark Helmet: How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway? Entire Bridge Crew: Yo! Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes! Dark Helmet: Keep firing, assholes!
John Hurt: Oh, no. Not again.
Dark Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? CHICKEN?
Roland: One. Dark Helmet: One. Colonel Sandurz: One. Roland: Two. Dark Helmet: Two. Colonel Sandurz: Two. Roland: Three. Dark Helmet: Three. Colonel Sandurz: Three. Roland: Four. Dark Helmet: Four. Colonel Sandurz: Four. Roland: Five. Dark Helmet: Five. Colonel Sandurz: Five. Dark Helmet: So the combination is... one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
Dark Helmet: So, Princess Vespa, at last I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to. Dark Helmet: No, no, please leave me alone! Dark Helmet: No, you are mine! Dark Helmet: Not so fast, Helmet! Dark Helmet: Lone Starr! Dark Helmet: Yes, its me. I'm here to save my girlfriend. Hi, honey. Dark Helmet: Now you are going to die! BAM! Dark Helmet: Oh, oh... OH! Dark Helmet: Hey, what did you do to my friend? Dark Helmet: The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy! Dark Helmet: OH! OH! Dark Helmet: And you too! Dark Helmet: Owww! Ah! Dark Helmet: Now Princess Vespa, at last we are alone. Dark Helmet: Oh, oh, I hate you I hate you I hate you leave me alone! - yet, I find you strangely attractive. Dark Helmet: Of course you do. Druish princesses are often attracted to money, and power, and I have BOTH, and YOU KNOW IT! Dark Helmet: Oh, oh, leave me alone! Dark Helmet: No, kiss me! Dark Helmet: Oh, oh, no, yes, no, NO, yes, ah, ah, ah ahhhhh... oh, your helmet is so big...
Yogurt: Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-the Coloring Book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower. Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink, Dink: Ooooh! Yogurt: The kids love this one. Yogurt: And last but not least, Spaceballs the doll, me. Doll: May the schwartz be with you! Yogurt: Adorable.
Captain of the Guard: You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!
Ape #1: Dear me. What are these things coming out of her nose? Dark Helmet: Hey, hey, hey. Watch my Helmet. Ape #2: Spaceballs? Ape #1: Oh, shit. There goes the planet.
Colonel Sandurz: Lord Helmet! Dark Helmet: WHAT? Colonel Sandurz: You're needed on the bridge sir! Dark Helmet: Knock on my door! Knock next time! Colonel Sandurz: Yes, sir! Dark Helmet: Did you see anything? Colonel Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again. Dark Helmet: GOOD!
Barf: I know we need the money, but... Lone Starr: Listen! We're not just doing this for money! Barf: Lone Starr: We're doing it for a SHIT LOAD of money!
Dark Helmet: No, no, no. Go past this. Pass this part. In fact, never play this again.
Dark Helmet: I can't breathe in this thing. Colonel Sandurz: We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir. Dark Helmet: Good. I'll call Spaceball City and notify President Skroob immediately. Radio Operator: I already called him, sir. He knows everything. Dark Helmet: What? You went over my helmet? Radio Operator: Well not exactly over, sir... more to the side - I'll always call you first, it will never happen again, never, ever. Radio Operator: Oh, shit. No, no, no. No, please, please, no. Radio Operator: Not that. Dark Helmet: Yes, that.
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
Dark Helmet: Out of order? Fuck! Even in the future nothing works!
Megamaid Guard: What the hell are you doing? Lone Starr: The Vulcan neck pinch? Megamaid Guard: No, no, no, stupid, you've got it much too high. It's down here where the shoulder meets the neck. Lone Starr: Like this? Megamaid Guard: Yeah! Lone Starr: Thanks.
Dark Helmet: Now what is it? Radar Technician: I'm having trouble with the radar, sir. Dark Helmet: What's wrong with it? Radar Technician: I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps. Dark Helmet: The what? Colonel Sandurz: The what? Dark Helmet: And the what? Radar Technician: You know. The bleeps. Radar Technician: The sweeps. Radar Technician: And the creeps. Dark Helmet: That's not all he's lost.
Lone Starr: Water. Water. Barf: Dot Matrix: Oil. Oil. Princess Vespa: Room service. Room service.
Princess Vespa: I ain't shooting this thing, I hate guns. Princess Vespa: My hair, he shot my hair. Son of a bitch!
Colonel Sandurz: Prepare ship... Colonel Sandurz: Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!
Title card/crawl: Once upon a time warp... Title card/crawl: In a galaxy very, very, very, very far away there lived a ruthless race of beings known as... Spaceballs. Chapter Eleven. The evil leaders of planet Spaceball, having foolishly squandered their precious atmosphere, have devised a secret plan to take every breath of air from their peace-loving neighbor, Planet Druidia. Today is Princess Vespa's wedding day. Unbeknownst to the Princess but knownst to us, danger lurks in the stars above... If you can read this, you don't need glasses.
Dark Helmet: What's the matter with this thing, what's all that churnning and bubbling, you call that radar screen? Colonel Sandurz: No, sir. We call it, Colonel Sandurz: Mr Coffee. Care for some? Dark Helmet: Yes. I always have my coffee when I watch radar, you know that. Colonel Sandurz: Of course I do, sir. Dark Helmet: Everybody knows that! All the henchmen in the room: Of course we do, sir.
Barf: Aah! Barf: What the hell was that? Lone Starr: Spaceball 1. Barf: They've gone to plaid!
Woman in Diner: Grab him some water! Trucker in Cap: Water, my ass! Bring this guy some Pepto-Bismol!
President Skroob: The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.
Dark Helmet: I can't breathe in this thing!
President Skroob: Did it work? Where's the king? Dark Helmet: It worked, sir. We have the combination. President Skroob: Great. Now we can take every last breath of fresh air from Planet Druidia. What's the combination? Colonel Sandurz: 1-2-3-4-5 President Skroob: 1-2-3-4-5? Colonel Sandurz: Yes! President Skroob: That's amazing. I've got the same combination on my luggage. Dark Helmet, Colonel Sandurz:
Dark Helmet: So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
Dark Helmet: My brains are going into my feet!
Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.
President Skroob: Sandurz, Sandurz. You got to help me. I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions. I'm a president!
Colonel Sandurz: Are you alright sir? Dark Helmet: Fine. How've you been? Colonel Sandurz: Fine sir. Dark Helmet: Good Colonel Sandurz: It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet. Dark Helmet: Yeah. Colonel Sandurz: What shall we do now, Sir? Dark Helmet: Well, are we stopped? Colonel Sandurz: We're stopped, Sir. Dark Helmet: Good. Well why don't we take a five minute break? Colonel Sandurz: Very good, Sir. Dark Helmet: Smoke if you got'em. Dark Helmet:
Dark Helmet: Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
Lone Starr: We gotta get moving before dawn. Barf: Why so early? Lone Starr: Because we're in the middle of a desert and we're not going to get very far once that blazing sun gets overhead. Barf: Nice dissolve.
Trooper: We ain't found shit!
Colonel Sandurz: But sir, your ring! Don't you have the schwartz too? Dark Helmet: Nah, he got the upside, I got the downside. See there's two sides to every Schwartz.
Dot Matrix: Well, goodbye virgin alarm.
Princess Vespa: Princess Vespa: What is this place? Barf: It looks like the Temple of Doom. Dot Matrix: Well it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.
Lone Starr: Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?
Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr. Lone Starr: What? Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. Lone Starr: What's that make us? Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.
Dot Matrix: How far did he get? What did he touch? What did he touch? Princess Vespa: Nothing happened. Lone Starr: What the hell was that noise? Dot Matrix: *That* was my Virgin Alarm. lt's programmed to go off before you do.
Lone Starr: Who hasn't heard of Yogurt! Princess Vespa: Yogurt the Wise! Dot Matrix: Yogurt the All-Powerful! Barf: Yogurt the Magnificent! Yogurt: Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.
Minister: Do you? Lone Starr: Yes Minister: Do you? Princess Vespa: Yes Minister: GOOD, you're married. KISS HER!
Colonel Sandurz: Are we being too literal? Dark Helmet: No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.
Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids. Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess. Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
Colonel Sandurz: Prepare ship for light speed. Dark Helmet: No, no, no, light speed is too slow. Colonel Sandurz: Light speed, too slow? Dark Helmet: Yes, we're gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed.
Dark Helmet: Hey hey hey! That's my escape pod! Who are you? Bearded Lady: I'm the bearded lady! Who are you, one of the freaks? Dark Helmet: Wait, wait! No! Bearded Lady: Dark Helmet: Come back you fat bearded bitch!
Barf: I'm a mawg: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
President Skroob: Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?
Princess Vespa: Who are you? Barf: Barf! Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister! This is a Mercedes!
Lone Starr: A million? That's unfair. Pizza the Hutt: Unfair to payor but not to payee. But you're gonna pay it, or else! Barf: Or else what? Pizza the Hutt: Tell him, Vinnie. Vinnie: Or else Pizza is gonna send out for *you*!
Princess Vespa: I ain't shooting this thing. I hate guns! Princess Vespa: My hair. He shot my hair! You son of a bitch!
Princess Vespa: I ain't shootin' this thing. I hate guns! Princess Vespa: My hair. He shot my hair! You son of a bitch!
