Dave Harken: Life is a marathon and you cannot win a marathon without putting a few Band-Aids on your nipples!
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Dave Harken: Life is a marathon and you cannot win a marathon without putting a few Band-Aids on your nipples!
Kurt Buckman: I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states.
Dale Arbus: You don't put a playground next to a bar. That's entrapment.
Dale Arbus: What is "deliberately" undressed? You accidentally get undressed?
Wetwork Man: Are you kidding me? I've driven all this way and nobody wants to get pissed on?
Kurt Buckman: Technically, I think it's immoral not to kill him.
Dale Arbus: So you took the penis foods as an invitation to fuck her?
Dale Arbus: No one's going to pay you to be a husband, unless you marry Oprah.
Bobby Pellitt: I'm a green belt, motherfucker!
Nick Hendricks: Strangely enough, lucky for Kurt, there's no laws on the books against putting people's toiletries up your ass.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Well, Shabbat Shalom, somebody's circumcised!
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Are you gonna slap me in the face with your cock?
Nick Hendricks: Okay, we're following a strange guy into a dark corner.
Dave Harken: Please protect me from them! I have a wife--and a cat!
This place is awful. It's like The Sharper Image took a shit in here.
Dave Harken: Life is a marathon and you cannot win a marathon without putting a few Band-Aids on your nipples!
Kurt Buckman: I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states.
Dale Arbus: You don't put a playground next to a bar. That's entrapment.
Dale Arbus: What is "deliberately" undressed? You accidentally get undressed?
Wetwork Man: Are you kidding me? I've driven all this way and nobody wants to get pissed on?
Kurt Buckman: Technically, I think it's immoral not to kill him.
Dale Arbus: So you took the penis foods as an invitation to fuck her?
Dale Arbus: No one's going to pay you to be a husband, unless you marry Oprah.
Bobby Pellitt: I'm a green belt, motherfucker!
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Well, Shabbat Shalom, somebody's circumcised!
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Are you gonna slap me in the face with your cock?
Nick Hendricks: Okay, we're following a strange guy into a dark corner.
Dave Harken: Please protect me from them! I have a wife--and a cat!
Kurt Buckman: This place is awful. It's like The Sharper Image took a shit in here.
Kurt Buckman: I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states
Kurt Buckman: I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states.
Nick Hendricks: Strangely enough, lucky for Kurt, there's no laws on the books against putting people's toiletries up your ass.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Well, Shabbat Shalom, somebody's circumcised!
Dave Harken: Please protect me from them! I have a wife--and a cat!
Kurt Buckman: This place is awful. It's like The Sharper Image took a shit in here.
Kurt Buckman: I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states
Dale Arbus: Oh, shit! Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Dale Arbus: Uh-oh. Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Will you have a seat, Dale? Dale Arbus: Do I have to? Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Please. Dale Arbus: Sure. Dale Arbus: This is a little ridiculous, but... Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Look, Dale, you know... I know I like to fool around at work, right? And I might even, you know, I might even cross the line a bit. But the last thing I wanna do is-is make you uncomfortable. I mean, it's just not professional, you know? And I pride myself on being a professional. So from now on, what I would like you to do is just tell me, you know... when and if, uh, I cross the line. Okay? Dale Arbus: Okay. Now. Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: What? Dale Arbus: Well, now, you're kinda crossing a line... because you're naked. Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Uh... I'm not naked, Dale. Can you *see* my pussy? Dale Arbus: Hmm... true. Um... but I think, uh, even really saying the word..."pussy", that's... Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: That's crossing the line? Dale Arbus: Little bit. Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: You're starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale. Dale Arbus: There we go! That one's another one. Probably illegal thing to say, too.
Kurt Buckman: Are you a businessman? Dean 'MF' Jones: Yeah. Motherfucker Jones. Kurt Buckman, Dean 'MF' Jones: What's that? Dean 'MF' Jones: Motherfucker Jones. Dale Arbus: Your first name is... Motherfucker? Dean 'MF' Jones: Not "motherfucker". "Motherfuckah". White people say "-er", Negroes say "fuck-ah". You say "er", I say "ah".
Kurt Buckman: C'mon! Let's do this! Think about Gam-Gam! Wouldn't she want her favorite grandson to be happy? Nick Hendricks: She wouldn't want me to kill him. Kurt Buckman: You gotta forget about Gam-Gam. She's dead. Move on.
Bobby Pellitt: You're three hours late. What's the deal? Kurt Buckman: I was at your father's funeral. Bobby Pellitt: Uh-huh. Well, maybe that excuse would have flown when my dad was here, but I'm in charge now.
Dale Arbus: Why would you put his whole bathroom in your ass? Kurt Buckman: I didn't know I had DNA in my butt! Dale Arbus: You're lying! You *know* there's DNA in your butt! You just like shoving shit in your ass, you fucking pervert! Nick Hendricks: We are lawyering up, man. That's it. Dale Arbus: I don't have money for a lawyer, okay! I bought a very expensive ring that I can't afford, then I gave the rest of my motherfucking money to Motherfucker Jones! Kurt Buckman: That's who we should talk to. Nick Hendricks: Sure. Why not? He's covered us this far, right? Five grand? Dale Arbus: Five thousand... forty, with the briefcase. Kurt Buckman, Nick Hendricks: Shut the fuck up about that case!
Kurt Buckman: Your father told me very clearly that he would rather die than save money and hurt people. Bobby Pellitt: Well, guess what? Looks like we're right on schedule then.
Nick Hendricks: Where were you during the murder? Kurt Buckman: I was making love. I was making love to a woman. You know... murdering some ass.
Dale Arbus: Hey, I always wondered these kinds of things, but is your real name Gregory? Atmanand: Um, no, sir. Standard NavGuide protocol is to use names American people find easy to pronounce. My real name is Atmanand. Kurt Buckman: You know what, buddy, I'm not gonna play by the rules. I'm gonna call you Akmantad. Nick Hendricks: Atmonent. Atmanand: At-man-and. Kurt Buckman: I'm just gonna call you Gregory cuz that name is a fuckin' nightmare, buddy, let me tell you.
Nick Hendricks: I'm such a sucker! Harken was never gonna promote me... Kurt Buckman: That coked-up prick is gonna ruin Pellit Chemicals. He's just gonna fire everybody! Dale Arbus: She stood there with her breasts, right in my face! Kurt Buckman: ...Y'know, yours doesn't sound that bad.
Kurt Buckman: You don't fucking punch the driver! Nick Hendricks: Yeah, you don't punch the driver, man. Dale Arbus: I'm coked out of my fucking head, I can punch whoever I want to!
Bobby Pellitt: You know what, I don't hear you giving... dickskin any shit. Kurt Buckman: Dickskin? Nice. Bobby Pellitt: Kiss ass. Jack Pellit: Come on, come on. Bobby Pellitt: Yeah, go on, in you go. Go on, gay boy! Kurt Buckman: I'm not gay! Bobby Pellitt: Please. I've seen gay boys. You're one of them. Kurt Buckman: Yeah, where'd you see them? Bobby Pellitt: In your house! Get in! I'm a green belt, motherfucker!
Dale Arbus: Your ad said you do wetwork. Wetwork Man: That is correct. I urinate on other men for money. Why else do you think my ad was in the "Men seeking Men" section? Kurt Buckman: You fucking idiot! Dale Arbus: We are MEN looking for another man!
Dale Arbus: Rape. Rape, rape, this is what raping is. You're a raper, you've raped me. That's a rape! RAPE! Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Oh, just relax there, Jodie Foster. Your dick wasn't even hard. Dale Arbus: That does not give me any relief.
Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: You're gonna give me that dong, Dale. Dale Arbus: My dong? Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: You are going to fuck my slutty little mouth.
Dale Arbus: At least you boss isn't sexually harassing you. Kurt Buckman: Oh my god, here we go again. Dale Arbus: Don't give me that. Nick Hendricks: You'll never get any sympathy out of us for this.
Nick Hendricks: Dean Jones, that's the same name as the actor in "Herbie, the Love Bug". Kurt Buckman: Yeah, he's not gonna know who that is. Dean 'MF' Jones: I know who he is, bitch. Kurt Buckman: Sorry. Dean 'MF' Jones: I can't walk around this freakin' neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.
Nick Hendricks: How's it going over there? What do you know about Julia? Kurt Buckman: I've learned that I gotta switch dentists 'cause this woman is unbelievably hot.
Dale Arbus: Nice job fucking the crazy out of her, Kurt! Kurt Buckman: Oh I'm sorry, maybe I should've tried dancing on her boobies!
Nick Hendricks: Where are you two gonna find a hit man? Dale Arbus: Why don't you guys leave that up to me, okay? I got this whole thing figured out. I'm gonna give you a call tomorrow and tell you where to meet me. Kurt Buckman: Why don't you just tell us now? Dale Arbus: 'Cause... I don't have it figured out.
Nick Hendricks: Kurt, what happened there? Kurt Buckman: Oh, uh she was giving me a tour of the mouth -- House.
Nick Hendricks: We'll learn the metric system. We gotta buy coats and sweaters and learn hockey and all that shit.
Kurt Buckman: I have a question: If one of us knew, you know, who the shooter was, and he was willing to serve you that perp on a platter, he would be entitled to some sort of immunity, right? Detective Hagan: No, he would be entitled to some jail time. Because if he knew who the shooter was and didn't tell us, that would be obstruction of justice. Kurt Buckman: Well, then I'm glad none of us know who the shooter is.
