Kid: Want cookies? Willie: No. Kid: Want milk? Willie: No. Kid: Want me to fix you some sandwiches? Willie: What the fuck is it with you and fixin' fuckin' sandwiches?
出自電影《圣诞有贼》 的經典對白。
更多圣诞有贼的經典對白
Marcus: You're an emotional fucking cripple. Your soul is dog shit. Every single fucking thing about you is ugly.
Willie: Why don't you wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.
Kid: Good night, Santa. Good night, Mrs. Santa's sister.
Sue: Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
Willie: I said, "Next," goddamn it! This is not the DMV!
Willie: You ain't gonna shit right for a week!
Gin: Santa likes to fuck fat chicks in the ass.
Willie: Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I'm out on my ass.
Willie: I'm on my fucking lunch break, ok!
Marcus: I don't think you should be digging in your ass.
Willie: OW! Watch the toenails, kid. Shit!
Marcus: Oh, my. What a terrible accident. Mm-mm-mm...
Marcus: There he is. That lousy, leather-faced, frog-eyed motherfucker.
Kid: OW... OW... OW... I cut my hand, by mistake OW... OW... OW...
Willie: It's Christmas and the kid's gettin' his fuckin' present.
Marcus: You probably shouldn't be digging in your ass.
Gin: You know what I see when I look at you? America's got a sad future ahead of it.
Grandma: Let me fix you some sandwiches...
Marcus: Motherfucker! Oh you lousy, fucking motherfucker.
Willie: Hey, can I get another drink down here?
Willie: Wish in one hand, shit in the other.
Willie: look this is the only fucking time i ever give you a ride home ok kid? im not your fucking da da all right?
Marcus: You're an emotional fucking cripple. Your soul is dog shit. Every single fucking thing about you is ugly.
Willie: Why don't you wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.
Sue: Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!
Kid: Good night, Santa. Good night, Mrs. Santa's sister.
Willie: I said, "Next," goddamn it! This is not the DMV!
Willie: You ain't gonna shit right for a week!
Gin: Santa likes to fuck fat chicks in the ass.
Willie: I'm on my fucking lunch break, ok!
Willie: Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I'm out on my ass.
Willie: OW! Watch the toenails, kid. Shit!
Marcus: I don't think you should be digging in your ass.
Marcus: Oh, my. What a terrible accident. Mm-mm-mm...
Gin: Look here, get himy outta here and I'll go smooth things over with Chipeska, Tell him it was food poisoning or something. Marcus: What do you mean, get him outta here? Gin: Take him to the car. Marcus: In case you didn't notice I'm a motherfucking dwarf, so unless you got a forklift handy, maybe you should lend a hand hmm? Gin: That figures. You want all kind of set-asides. Special treatment 'cause you're handicapped. You're all the same. Marcus: Special treatment? I'm 3-foot-fucking-tall you asshole! It's a matter of physics. Draw me a sketch of how I get him to the car, huh? Gin: Bitch, Bitch, Bitch! Marcus: Sketch it up, you fucking moron. Fucking Leonardo da Vinci. Gin: What'd you call me thigh-high? Marcus: I called you a fucking guinea homo from the 15th-fucking-century, you dickhead! Gin: I could stick you up my ass, small fry. Marcus: Yeah? You sure it ain't too sore from last night? Gin: You got some lip on you midget. Marcus: Yeah? Well these lips were on your wife's pussy last night. Why don't you dust that thing off once in a while? Asshole!
Willie: You know, I think I've turned a corner. Marcus: Yeah? You fucking petites now? Willie: No, I'm not talking about that. I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something. Marcus: You need many years of therapy. Many, many fuckin' years of therapy.
Bob Chipeska: I just can't help it. There's something about the guy that makes me uneasy. Gin: Well sure. Santa fucking someone in the ass...
Kid: You are really Santa, right? Willie: No, I'm an accountant. I wear this fucking thing as a fashion statement, alright?
Kid: Why do you need a car? Willie: What the fuck are you talking about? Kid: This car. Willie: Which turn is it? Kid: Sage Terrace. Where's your sleigh? Willie: It's in the shop, getting repaired. Kid: Where are the reindeer? Willie: I stabled them. Is it left or right? Kid: That way. Where's the stable? Willie: Next to the shop. Kid: How do they sleep? Willie: Who? The reindeer? Standing up. Kid: But the noise. How do they sleep? Willie: What noise? Kid: From the shop. Willie: They only work during the day, all right? Kid: I thought it was always night at the North Pole. Willie: Well, not now. Right now it's always day. Kid: Then how do they sleep? Willie: Oh, shit. Sage Terrace. What is it with you, anyway? Somebody drop you on your fucking head? Kid: On *my* head? Willie: Well, yeah. What, are they gonna drop you on somebody else's head? Kid: How can they drop me onto my own head? Willie: No, not *onto* your... Would... God damn it! Are you fucking with me?
Marcus: You fuck her? Willie: Jesus Christ! Is everything fuckin' sex with you? Marcus: With me? I fuck one person! I ain't out there serial fornicatin', tryin' to float my liver, drinkin' myself silly, cuz I can't stand what a piece of shit I am. Willie: What are you, Sigmund Sawed-Off Fuckin' Freud?
Kid: Should I fix you some sandwiches? Willie: I don't want any fucking sandwiches. What is it with you and fixin' fucking sandwiches?
Kid: Want cookies? Willie: No. Kid: Want milk? Willie: No. Kid: Want me to fix you some sandwiches? Willie: What the fuck is it with you and fixin' fuckin' sandwiches?
Security Guard: You wouldn't be tryin' to hide something in those baggy pants of yours, would ya? Willie: Just something to cripple your sister with...
Marcus: That's just the kind of shit that's gonna get us pinched. Willie: She said she was 18. Marcus: But you promised no arcades! You said you'd only hustle Big and Tall. Willie: What, you shat me outta your womb? You're my fucking mom now? I don't need any god damn lectures outta you. I know how to keep a low profile, thank you. Marcus: What the *fuck* is this, Mr. Low Profile? Willie: Mind your own god damn business. Marcus: Ever hear of the Open Bottle Law?
Woman in Food Court: Look who's here! It's Santa! Tell Santa what you want for Christmas! Willie: I'm on my fucking lunch break, OK? Woman in Food Court: The manager's going to hear about this. Willie: You think you're a threat? You think you can make my fucking life any worse? Go ahead, take a shot!
Watching Boy: I saw you at another mall. Willie: Well, I'm happy for you. Watching Boy: If you really are Santa, you could do magic. Willie: Wanna see some magic? OK, let's watch you disappear!
Willie: Oh shit. Marcus: What? What? Willie: It's a Kintnerboy Redoubt. Marcus: So? Willie: Remember Andy Pitz? Marcus: Andy Pitzerelli, yeah. Willie: No, Andy Repitski. Andy Pitzerelli was Andy Blue Balls. Marcus: Since he got married they called him Andy Pitzerelli. What's your fucking point? Willie: Well they say he can get into anything. Anything. They say he's been in Margaret Thatcher's pussy. Marcus: And that's a good thing? So what the fuck are you getting at? Willie: When I was in the joint with him, he told me the Kintnerboy Redoubt can't be cracked. Marcus: Are you shitting me? Are you telling me that after I propped you up, held you together, smiled for all those kids, danced for all those fuckin' housewives in a fucking lime green fucking velvet elf costume, that you cannot crack this fucking safe? Is that what you telling me? Willie: No, I'm just saying it's gonna take a minute.
Kid: Candy corn? Willie: Well they all can't be winners!
Willie: Whatcha my mom now? You shat me out of your womb? Marcus: You said that yesterday, you stupid fuck.
Kid: What's the North Pole like? Willie: It's like a suburb. Kid: Which suburb? Willie: Apache Junction. What the fuck do you care? Now get off my lap you sit there like a fuckin retard.
Gin: We split the dough right down the middle. Any merchendise you take, I get to look at and cherry pick. Marcus: No. Money is one thing but you ain't getting the sh... Gin: This ain't no Chinese menu, jagoff! I tell YOU how it's gonna be. This is pricks fix! Willie: Pricks fix? Marcus: Ah, he's a fucking moron. Willie: Oh really? Is that how you got the upper hand? Marcus: Fuck you. Willie: Negotiating? Marcus: You don't like it? Next year, fuck off. I can always get another box jockey. Willie: Yeah and I can get another midget too. Marcus: Yeah? Where? You see us hanging off of fucking trees like fucking crab apples?
Willie: You can't drink worth shit. Marcus: I weigh ninety two pounds, you dick!
Marcus: There he is. That lousy, leather-faced, frog-eyed motherfucker.
Bob Chipeska: Hi. Bob Chipeska. Welcome. Great photo and resume by the way. Marcus: Thanks. You know, we've been at this for a long time and all, so we like to think we do a good job. Bob Chipeska: You two are perfect for this job, truly. So, I don't want his unpleasentness affect your performance in any way. Marcus: Oh no. We... Willie: Performance? Bob Chipeska: Yes. Your performance. You know, the... Willie: Do you mean sexual? Bob Chipeska: Excuse me? Willie: Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear? Is that what you're saying to me? Bob Chipeska: I'm sorry, your gear? Marcus: Willie... Willie: My fuck stick Marcus: Willie, take a seat. You know how your blood sugar is. Bob Chipeska: He's not going to say fuck stick in front of the children, is he? Marcus: No! It was just a joke. An adult joke. For us, adults. It's a joke. Just a joke.
