Chip: Isn't it just a little bit strange that Jeannie never brought uh, what's-his-butt over here before? Gaylord: His name is Dudley, and they only met three months ago. Aaron Humphrey: I know I'd be a shoo-in with the people if I could just get those old-money blue-bloods to endorse my candidacy. Chip: And they'd be damned fools not to, Dad, irregardless of the fact that you are nouveau riche. Aaron Humphrey: Don't you ever use that phrase in this house! I am not nouveau riche! I am a self-made businessman; and I'm not your dad, I'm your father-in-law, get it? Chip: Right, uh, self-made businessman, father-in-law, I got it.
出自電影《菜鳥大反攻 4》 的經典對白。
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Jeanie Humphrey: You gave up what you wanted to tell the truth, I admire that quality in a person.
Dudley Dawson: Hath not a nerd eyes? When you prick us, do we not bleed?
Trevor Gulf: Red ball, middle pocket, and you can call me London Fats.
Jeanie Humphrey: You gave up what you wanted to tell the truth, I admire that quality in a person.
Dudley Dawson: Hath not a nerd eyes? When you prick us, do we not bleed?
Trevor Gulf: Red ball, middle pocket, and you can call me London Fats.
Judy: I think you're breaking out. Stan Gable: What're you talking about? I've always had a perfect complexion. Judy: Uh-uh, I think you have the chickenpox.
Betty Skolnick: Lewis, I don't want you to go now, it's after 3 in the morning. Lewis Skolnick: If my wife and my unborn fetal son want pickles and ice cream, I don't care what time it is.
Tippy: It's on! Romeo: What's on? Tippy: The wedding. Romeo: First it's on, then it's off, now it's on again. I am a humble servant, not a yo-yo.
Aaron Humphrey: Everybody who's important is gone. Tippy: No, no look, your sister's still here. Aaron Humphrey: My sister stays to the end of supermarket openings.
Mr. Skolnick: How's my unborn grandson? Lewis Skolnick: You mean you're unborn fetal son?
Dudley Dawson: So what do you like to do? Heidi 'Booger' Dawson: I'm afraid to tell you because if you don't like what I like, then you won't like me. Dudley Dawson: I think I'm going to like you, no matter WHAT you do, as long as you live.
Dudley Dawson: It's not your fault, you didn't ask to be born... you want me to give you a push on those swings? Heidi 'Booger' Dawson: No thanks. Dudley Dawson: I'm a pretty good swing pusher, I can get you in over the top. Heidi 'Booger' Dawson: I'm too old to be pushed on swings. Dudley Dawson: Oh yeah, you're too old for that... I used to hate it when people treated me like a baby.
Dudley Dawson: I'd like to thank you all for this wonderful shower. Lewis Skolnick: It's probably the first shower you've ever had. Mr. Dawson: No, he showered regularly, every other night in summer, and weekly in the winter.
Betty Skolnick: Lewis, there were women at the party last night, weren't there? Lewis Skolnick: Yeah. Betty Skolnick: Were they pretty? Lewis Skolnick: Yeah. Betty Skolnick: What did you do with them? Lewis Skolnick: The bunny hop. Betty Skolnick: That's it? Just the bunny hop? Lewis Skolnick: Yeah. Betty Skolnick: Okay, then you can still be my Valentine.
Lewis Skolnick: Harold where're you going? Lamar: I don't know but I'd guess over to Lois. Takashi: Are you scoing, Harold? Harold: Well I wouldn't tell you if I was. But I'll guarantee you this much, I ain't going over there for breakfast!
Lewis Skolnick: You're not supposed to reveal what goes on at a bachelor party. Ogre: Wild horses couldn't drag it out of me. Who can't we tell again?
Lewis Skolnick: Betty, don't push. All: Betty don't push, Betty don't push, Betty don't push, Betty don't push, hee hee hoo, hee hee hoo, hee hee hoo. All: Betty don't scream! Betty don't scream, Betty don't scream.
Jeanie Humphrey: I love Booger! And I'm gonna marry him, no matter WHAT you say! Tippy: Jeanie! Tippy: What did you say to her? Aaron Humphrey: Nothing, I just made a suggestion. Tippy: Oh, can't we all just get along? Aaron Humphrey: She comes up with a guy who looks like he came out of a vending machine and I'M the one who's wrong!
Jeanie Humphrey: I'm sure my mother's just overwhelmed by the wedding and everything. Dudley Dawson: Oh, then you don't think it's because they hate my guts? Jeanie Humphrey: Booger, I love you! Dudley Dawson: Yeah, I know *you* do, but I'm not sure about your parents.
Chip: Isn't it just a little bit strange that Jeannie never brought uh, what's-his-butt over here before? Gaylord: His name is Dudley, and they only met three months ago. Aaron Humphrey: I know I'd be a shoo-in with the people if I could just get those old-money blue-bloods to endorse my candidacy. Chip: And they'd be damned fools not to, Dad, irregardless of the fact that you are nouveau riche. Aaron Humphrey: Don't you ever use that phrase in this house! I am not nouveau riche! I am a self-made businessman; and I'm not your dad, I'm your father-in-law, get it? Chip: Right, uh, self-made businessman, father-in-law, I got it.
Lamar: "Daddy". Lewis Skolnick: Hi, Lewis Skolnick, best man. Aaron Humphrey: Figures. Lewis Skolnick: Booger is just crazy about your daughter. He's gonna make a wonderful husband, and that's all that really matters. Aaron Humphrey: Right. Lewis Skolnick: You know, once you get to know Booger, you'll be very happy with what you see. Aaron Humphrey: I'll be very happy when I get away from you.
Dudley Dawson: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to jump off the dock! Ogre: Yeah! Chip: Hold it, everybody. I'd like to offer my toast... Everybody: Yeah, yeah. Dudley Dawson: ...to Booger's love child. Dudley Dawson: Love child? What are you talking about? Chip: I'm talking about the daughter you had 12 years ago, out of wedlock, with a young woman in Sandusky, Ohio. Ogre: All right, Booger! Yeah, bud! Aaron Humphrey: You have a child that my little girl doesn't know about? I am appalled Booger, appalled. And so is my wife, right, see? Lois Humphrey: But... Dudley Dawson: I don't know anything about this. I have no child in Sandusky, Ohio. Chip: The hell you don't! Lewis Skolnick: This is a fairly specious charge. Where's your proof, Chip? Dudley Dawson: Yeah, where's your proof, Chip? Everybody: Yeah! Chip: My proof is right here: I'd like you to meet Detective First Class, Chad Penrod. Detective Penrod, does Dudley Dawson, alias "Booger", have or have not a 12-year old child in Sandusky, Ohio? Chad Penrod: I checked the birth records in Sandusky and found... that on March 19, 1981, a certain Heidi Dawson was born to a Miss Cathleen Turtle... Turteltaub, and a Mr. Dudley Dawson. Ogre: Cool. Trevor Gulf: Wait! If the parents of the alleged love child were never married, why isn't the child's name Heidi Turteltaub? Dudley Dawson: Exactly! Why isn't the child's name Heidi Turteltaub? Lewis Skolnick: Yes! Chad Penrod: Beats me. Dudley Dawson: If the child were born to an unmarried mother, wouldn't the so-said mother have given the aforementioned daughter her last name? Chad Penrod: Well, I do know this: The child's nickname is "Booger".
Lamar: I heard... Lewis Skolnick: Word! Lewis Skolnick: I can't believe what got into you two, this is supposed to be a happy occasion! Lewis Skolnick: I'm especially surprised at you, Lamar! Now what was going on? Lamar: Well, Chip was crackin' on Booger's parents. Dudley Dawson: Crackin' on my parents? What kind of cracks, Chip? Lewis Skolnick: Booger. Unknown: Yeah, what kind? Lewis Skolnick: Booger, as your best man, I strongly advise you to just let it go Dudley Dawson: I'm not going to let it go. Lewis Skolnick: On the other hand, I'm prepared to explore other avenues with you as well. Dudley Dawson: What kind of cracks, Chip? Chip: Uhh-uhh... Lamar: Chip said that your mama was so ugly, the Elephant Man paid to see her.
Lewis Skolnick: So you might have a daughter in Sandusky, Ohio, huh? Dudley Dawson: I don't know, it's certainly possible. God knows my seed is as strong as an Alaskan salmon, and I partied pretty hard in the early '80s. Lewis Skolnick: In Sandusky? Dudley Dawson: Apart from Akron, I probably spent more time in Sandusky than any place on Earth. Damnit! Everything was going so great, now it's ruined. Lewis Skolnick: Oh Booger, your wedding isn't ruined. Dudley Dawson: What are you talking about? We just had a food fight; people... don't have... food fights at their *bridal showers*! But I did! Some nouveau-riche guy, looked like he could have been a banker, is mashing handfuls of garnish up my nostrils. Lewis Skolnick: I know things look bleak, but they've been bleak before: Do you remember at Adams College? We were exiled from the dorms and forced to live in the gymnasium. Do you remember in Fort Lauderdale, when we were persecuted into subjugation and incarcerated? How about when Orrin Price... framed me... for... embezzling Adams College computer research funds? We may have been subjected to the yoke of nerd oppression before, but we're not going to be subjected to it again! Lewis Skolnick: This wedding is not over, the son of a gun has just begun! Come on, pal.
Chip: I'm looking for dirt, scandal, some deviant behavior, a skeleton in the closet that would be so horrible, it would break up a wedding, and money's no object. Chad Penrod: How did you find me? Chip: Let's just say, through a friend. Chad Penrod: And why do you wanna ruin the wedding? Chip: Well, my father-in-law's thinking of getting into politics, and the groom would ruin his chances. Chad Penrod: If the father-in-law doesn't the political arena, you don't take over the family business. Chip: Yes, well I suppose that would happen, but that's not my major concern. Chad Penrod: It's nerds, isn't it? Chip: How did you know that? Chad Penrod: I'm a detective. Chip: Wow. Chad Penrod: I had a case with nerds a couple months ago, they can be very slippery. Chip: How do I know you're any good? Chad Penrod: You know the dirt on the royal family? Chip: You? Chip: Well, let's do business. Chad Penrod: All right, what's the groom's name? Chip: Uh, Dudley Dawson, but his friends call him "Booger". Chad Penrod: Well, that's the first thing in our favor. Chip: What's that? Chad Penrod: With a name like Booger, it shouldn't be too hard to get dirt on him, right?
Chip: I - I thought you told me the love child was real. Chad Penrod: I didn't say she was real, I said it was a great idea. Chip: But it hasn't turned out to be such a great idea, has it? If Aaron finds out I've lied to him, I'm dead; he's gonna fire me. Chad Penrod: Hey, if he fires you, isn't he also cutting off his own daughter? Chip: He's gonna give her an allowance that I'm not allowed to touch. Chad Penrod: Well... that'd do it. Chad Penrod: Aw relax, will you? There are plenty of ways to ruin a wedding. Chip: Such as? Chad Penrod: It's easy, you know what bachelor parties are like: beautiful women, liquor flowing, raw naked temptation; Booger's bound to succumb. According to his bio, he's got the self-control of a Brahma bull. Chip: Uh, how would we, uh - how would we show proof of this? Chad Penrod: We'll make one of "America's least funny home videos". Chip: Do it. Chad Penrod: Hey, there's a horse here named "Big Booger".
Dudley Dawson: A bumper pool tournament, what an original idea for a bachelor party! Lewis Skolnick: I knew that you would love it, Booger. Mr. Dawson: Is there gonna be a girlie show? Lewis Skolnick: Mr. Dawson, that would be sexist. Dudley Dawson: Yeah, we believe it's possible to be entertained without demeaning women. Mr. Dawson: That's nice, but personally, I'd prefer a little skin. Chip: Hey fellas, I got winners. Dudley Dawson: He's got a lot of nerve showing his face around here. Mr. Dawson: Temper, temper. Lewis Skolnick: Don't worry about it, Booger, we got him under 24 hour surveillance. There's nothing he can do that we don't know about.
Takashi: Oh boy, that was one heck of a stag party last night, Lewis. Mr. Dawson: I know I'll never forget it. Trevor Gulf: I especially enjoyed your dance with the woman who removed her clothes, Mr. Booger. Lewis Skolnick: Trevor, there's a code of silence about what goes on at a stag party. Trevor Gulf: Code of silence? Lewis Skolnick: So reveal nothing, even if you're under hours of interrogation and torture. Ogre: Wild horses couldn't drag it out of me. Ogre: Uh, who aren't I supposed to tell?
