George Carlin: Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
出自電影《乔治·卡林：这对你不好》 的經典對白。
更多乔治·卡林：这对你不好的經典對白
George Carlin: Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
George Carlin: Fuck Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.
George Carlin: Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?
George Carlin: I'm kinda like herpes, I just keep coming back.
George Carlin: Who would have thought that the manufacturing of sticks would be outsourced to China?
George Carlin: Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
George Carlin: Fuck Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.
George Carlin: Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?
George Carlin: I'm kinda like herpes, I just keep coming back.
George Carlin: Who would have thought that the manufacturing of sticks would be outsourced to China?
George Carlin: But since the last time I might have seen some of you folks, I have had my seventieth birthday. George Carlin: Thank you very much. Thank you. Yeah, I'm now seventy years old, and I like seventy. Uh... not as much as I liked sixty-nine. George Carlin: Well, sixty-nine was always my favorite number. Now, I figure I'm sixty-nine with one finger up my ass.
George Carlin: You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. George Carlin: I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there. And my reason for this... my reason is one that you may share, possibly. I have a very low tolerance level for stupid bullshit. George Carlin: That's all. Stupid bullshit. You know? And everyone wants to tell you their stupid bullshit.
George Carlin: Now, speaking of parents and speaking of bullshit, two ideas that aren't always mutually exclusive, by the way, I'd like to mention a special kind of bullshit that has taken hold in this country in the last thirty to forty years. It's a form of bullshit that really can only be called "child worship". It's child worship. It's this excessive devotion to children. George Carlin: I'm talking about today's professional parents, these obsessive diaper sniffers who are overscheduling and overmanaging their children and robbing them of their childhoods. George Carlin: Even the simple act of playing has been taken away from children, and put on mommy's schedule in the form of "play dates". Something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned. When does a kid ever get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore? George Carlin: You know? Just sit there with a fucking stick. Do today's kids even know what a stick is? George Carlin: You sit in the yard with a fucking stick... and you dig a fucking hole. You know? George Carlin: And you look at the hole, and you look at the stick... and you have a little fun. But kids don't have sticks anymore. I don't think there are any sticks left; I think they've all be recalled because of lead paint! George Carlin: Who would have thought that one day, the manufacturing of sticks would outsourced to China?
George Carlin: Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. George Carlin: Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so BLOW ME!
George Carlin: The first one is, you never have to carry anything heavy ever again. George Carlin: Everybody wants to help an old fuck. If you've got a big suitcase, or something like that, you know, you just kind of go like this a little bit... George Carlin: And you say "Yeah, can you help me with this?" They say "Yeah, hey, how far are you going?" "Indianapolis."
George Carlin: Another nice thing about getting old is you can leave any social event early just by saying you're tired. George Carlin: Works great with family members. Just turn to the person next to you and you say "Gee, I'm getting tired, you know." George Carlin: "Oh, you're tired? Come on, grandpa's tired, grandpa's going to bed." And someone else says "But it's seven thirty in the morning!" George Carlin: There's always one asshole in the family. But the best thing about getting old is you're not responsible for remembering things anymore. Even important things; "But it was your daughter's funeral!" George Carlin: "I forgot!" George Carlin: You can even make believe you have Alzheimer's Disease. That's a lot of fun. You look around the dining room table and you say "Who are you people and where is my horse?" George Carlin: Then you stare at your eldest son and say "Agnes! I haven't seen you since First Communion!"
George Carlin: You can even shit in your pants! George Carlin: They expect it! I haven't tried that yet, but I don't rule it out. I'm keeping my options open. Everything is on the table. George Carlin: Perhaps that's not the figure of speech I wanted.
George Carlin: He'd say "you swear on your mother's grave?" I'd say "yeah!" George Carlin: 'Cause first of all, if my mother was alive, she wouldn't even have a grave. And even if she was dead, what's she going to do? Rise from the grave and come and haunt me? George Carlin: Come and haunt me? All because I told a lie to an eight year old? Get fucking real!
