James: I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn't drive the kids crazy.
出自電影《看誰在說話》 的經典對白。
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James: I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn't drive the kids crazy.
Mikey: Put me back in! Put me back in!
James: It's weird, isn't it? You spend the first nine months trying to get out and the rest of your life trying to get back in.
Mikey: Help! Help! Somebody burp me before I blow up!
Mikey: This has got to be the weirdest day of my life... well, so far.
Mikey: I don't get it. I just don't get it. And, I don't like it. Where'd I go wrong?
Accountant Date: By the way, I have to ask you this. Have you ever had a barium enema?
Mikey: Boy, I hope they don't get stuck together like that.
Mollie: I look like a Russ Meyer movie!
Mollie: Don't touch me! I'm going to have this baby without you touching me!
Mollie: Aw, I look like a big fat pilgrim.
Mikey: Wait a minute. These things come in different sizes? What are these, jumbos?
Mikey: Is that a new hat, or is it time to change the bandage?
James: I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn't drive the kids crazy.
Mikey: Help! Help! Somebody burp me before I blow up!
Mollie: Now it's shit!
Mikey: Put me back in! Put me back in!
Mikey: This has got to be the weirdest day of my life... well, so far.
Mikey: I don't get it. I just don't get it. And, I don't like it. Where'd I go wrong?
James: It's weird, isn't it? You spend the first nine months trying to get out and the rest of your life trying to get back in.
Accountant Date: By the way, I have to ask you this. Have you ever had a barium enema?
Mikey: Boy, I hope they don't get stuck together like that.
Mikey: Put me back in! Put me back in!
Mikey: This has got to be the weirdest day of my life... well, so far.
Mikey: Boy, I hope they don't get stuck together like that.
James: Whoa! You really got your figure back, didn't you? Mollie: This is not my figure! James: Well then, you got Dolly Parton's figure back!
Mollie: So you're the one who was kicking me. Mikey: Well, you're the one who ate all that spicy food.
James: He- he said Daddy! Mollie: I think he called you Daddy. Mikey: No, I'm talking to hear myself say it!
Albert: He has my eyes. Mollie: I know he does. You don't know how confusing it is when someone you love so much looks like someone you hate.
Mollie: You spent forty years with a man who looked good in a uniform? Ma, you had no idea if he was a mature, responsible person! Rosie: If I thought like that, we wouldn't have gotten through the first week. And that was some week!
James: You don't look so hot. Mollie: Why don't you try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon and see how hot YOU look? James: Ouch! Guess I'd better call my mother more often!
Mollie: If we ever got back together I'm afraid I would have to torture you for the rest of your life. Albert: Oh, that's okay. I want you to.
Mollie: Grandpa, what's going on? Grandpa: Look, I'm a hostage. Burly Orderly: He's not a hostage. He's a *mean* old bastard! You see what he did to my arm? And he gave the nurse a black eye!
Mollie: I'm so lucky. I can't believe I managed to find a nice, handsome family man. Rona: Yeah, except it's someone else's family.
James: Look, you gotta use Lamaze. It works. My sister-in-law used it. You don't use drugs, and it's better for the kid. Mollie: You know, the only people who say stupid things like that are men, because they're idiots!
Mollie: Hey, slow down! The first stages of labor can take hours! James: Yeah, so can the mid-town traffic!
Mollie: Oh, what a good sensation! James: It's like great sex, isn't it? Mollie: I personally wouldn't remember.
Albert: I've raised my kids. Mollie: Raised them? They're 11 and 9. Don't tell me they've moved out and gotten jobs already!
Rosie: What? Mollie: Ma, I thought you'd be happy. Rosie: How could you do such a thing? Mollie: It was easy. I went to the clinic and got some frozen sperm. I brought it home, defrosted it, inserted it, and... and I'm pregnant. Rosie: So that's it? Now you and the frozen pop are having a baby. Mollie: Ma, it's not a frozen pop. Rosie: It's not a husband. (Looks at her husband). Louie, you hear this? Mollie: Ma, you were the one who told me that I could control my life, and I made a decision. I want to have a baby. Rosie: I don't understand this. This is the kind of thing a girl does if she's very ugly or a lesbian. This is not the act of a beautiful, intelligent girl who can have any man she wants. Mollie: Ma, you never liked any of my boyfriends anyway. Rosie: Where did the sperm come from? I mean, who's the supplier? Mollie: A medical student. Rosie: And? Mollie: He goes to Colombia. His parents live on the island. His father's in piece goods, his mother works for a cosmetics firm. Ma, she'd get you a great discount. Rosie: So you're making fun of me, huh? You'll see. Someday, you'll have children.
Mollie: I think you should try some of that Nobel Prize winner sperm. Rona: Get outta here. Nobel Prize winners ejaculating in jars? Mollie: Well, give it a shot. Don't you want a smart baby? Rona: That's all I need. A baby telling me what an IDIOT I am. Like I don't get enough of that at work?
Albert: Beth has finally agreed to a divorce. Oh, Mollie I'm so glad you waited. Mollie: I knew that if I was patient, this day would come.
Mollie: Dr. Spock does not just want to sell a book! Dr. Spock loves us. During the Vietnam War, Dr. Spock was out protesting in the streets! James: God, I'm sorry I said anything about Dr. Spock, okay. James: I can't believe she's getting that upset about a Vulcan. Big ears, no emotions, right?
Secretary: Is he yours? James: Yeah, but they don't know who the real mother is yet.
Mollie: Ma, what would you have done if Daddy was married when you first met him? Rosie: I wouldn't have fallen in love. Mollie: Well, you can't control who you fall in love with. Rosie: Why not? Mollie: You just can't! Rosie: Listen. Listen, take your father here. What's his favorite food? Together: Cheesecake. Rosie: What did Dr. Slocum tell him? Mollie: Cut back on cholesterol. Rosie: So, now he doesn't eat cheesecake. It's the same exact thing.
James: You never look through that thing, do you? Mollie: Why do you say that? James: 'Cause you're still carrying around your diaphragm.
Mollie: Grandpa, did you eat all these candy bars today? Grandpa: What candy? The bastards STOLE my candy!
Mollie: Where are the parachutes? James: Parachutes? There are no parachutes. Mollie: No parachutes? Didn't you ever see 'Sweet Dreams'? 'The Buddy Holly Story'? 'La Bamba'? James: There's a big difference. They're, like, rock legends, and we're not.
