Moon-gwang: Are you some family of charlatans? Chung-sook: So, sis... Moon-gwang: Don't fucking call me sis, you filthy bitch! I'm gonna send this video to the madame, how about that? Ki-taek: No reception in the basement, right? Kim Ki-jung: The phone works fine. Kim Ki-woo: Ma'am, to be honest, the jobs we have here... Moon-gwang: Shut up! It's too late now! Let's all go to jail! We're fucking going down! Ki-taek: Lady, are you crazy? If they see that video, Mr. Park and his wife will be so shocked! What did those nice people ever do wrong? Why do this to them? Moon-gwang: Stop right there! Or I'll push the 'send' button.
出自電影《上流寄生族》 的經典對白。
更多上流寄生族的經典對白
不是善良才有錢，而是有錢才不得不善良
人生，也許就是沒有辦法照著計畫走
人生就是不要有計畫，有計畫就會有意外、失落
不是有錢又善良，而是因為有錢，所以才善良。錢可以把一切皺摺都燙平。
這不是普通的家教，而是「藝術治療」。
就像蟑螂一樣，半夜開燈之後，蟑螂就會全部跑去躲起來。
大家都是臨時來的，但都穿得很體面，感覺很從容自然，我真的適合這裡嗎？
你知道什麼計畫是永遠不會失敗的嗎？就是沒有計劃，因為人生永遠無法照著計畫走，沒有計畫，就永遠不會出錯。
有錢所以善良。有錢的話，我也會很善良。
我不想抱著它，是它一直跟著我。
Chung-sook: If I had all this I would be kinder.
Moon-gwang: Don't fucking call me sis, you filthy bitch!
Moon-gwang: What are you, a family of charlatans?
Chung-sook: If I had all this I would be kinder.
Moon-gwang: Don't fucking call me sis, you filthy bitch!
Moon-gwang: What are you, a family of charlatans?
Ki-taek: They are rich but still nice. Chung-sook, Ki-taek's wife: They are nice because they are rich.
Ki-jung: Jessica, only child. Ki-jung, Ki-woo: Illinois, Chicago. Classmate of Kim Jin-mo. He's your cousin.
Ki-taek: Rich people are naive. No resentments. No creases on them. Chung-sook, Ki-taek's wife: It all gets ironed out. Money is an iron. Those creases all get smoothed out by money.
Ki-taek: Acting is one thing. But this family is so gullible, right? Chung-sook: Especially the Madame. Ki-taek: You said it. She's so naive and nice. She's rich but she's still nice. Chung-sook: Not "Rich but still nice." Nice because she's rich, you know? Hell, if I had all this money, I'd be nice too!
Kim Ki-woo: I don't think of this as forgery or crime. I'll go to this university next year. Ki-taek: So you've got a plan! Kim Ki-woo: I just printed out the document a bit early.
Park Yeon-kyo: Da-song is an artist by nature. Look at this painting. Kim Ki-woo: It's so metaphorical. It's really strong. Park Yeon-kyo: Strong, right? You've got an eye for this. Kim Ki-woo: It's a chimpanzee, right? Park Yeon-kyo: A self-portrait. Kim Ki-woo: Sure enough! The perspective of a young artist eludes understanding. Or perhaps it's Da-song's expressive genius...
Kim Ki-woo: Someone just came to mind. What was her name? Jessica! Right, Jessica... She was in the same art school as my cousin. What was her Korean name? Anyway, after studying applied arts at Illinois State University, she returned to Korea. Park Yeon-kyo: Illinois... tell me more. Kim Ki-woo: Her teaching is unusual, but she knows how to handle kids. She's got a special reputation in her field. But even though her methods are unique, she can help kids get into good art schools. Park Yeon-kyo: Now I'm really curious. What is she like? Kim Ki-woo: Would you like to meet her? Though I heard she's in high demand...
Kim Ki-jung: But isn't an older driver better? Park Yeon-kyo: That's true. They drive better, have better manners. Kim Ki-jung: My father's brother had a driver just like that. Mr. Kim. He was so congenial and nice. I used to call him Uncle when I was young. Park Yeon-kyo: You know a man like that? Kim Ki-jung: Yes, he was so mild-mannered. Oh, but my relatives relocated to Chicago. I wonder if Mr. Kim's free now? Park Yeon-kyo: I'm really interested! Could I meet him? Kim Ki-jung: Really? Park Yeon-kyo: I don't trust anyone now. I only trust someone recommended by a person I know well. But if you've known him so long, I'd feel much more at ease. Kim Ki-jung: Do you really want to meet him? Park Yeon-kyo: I'm deadly serious. This chain of recommendations is best. How should I describe it? A belt of trust?
Park Yeon-kyo: Jessica, the last time you came, our driver gave you a ride, right? Kim Ki-jung: That's right. Park Yeon-kyo: This may be an odd question, but nothing happened then? Kim Ki-jung: No, he was very nice. I told him to go to Hyehwa Station, but he insisted on driving me home. Park Yeon-kyo: That jerk! He took you home late at night? Revealing where you live? Kim Ki-jung: No, I got off at Hyehwa. Park Yeon-kyo: Oh, good girl. Very good. Jessica nice... Kim Ki-jung: Did something happen with him? Park Yeon-kyo: He won't be working for us any more. A slightly shameful incident. Kim Ki-jung: What incident? Park Yeon-kyo: Oh, you don't need to know. Kim Ki-jung: But I'm surprised. He was so gentlemanly and cool. Park Yeon-kyo: Jessica, you're too young and innocent! You have a lot to learn about people.
Dong Ik: Why such a craving for braised ribs today? Our old housekeeper made delicious ribs. Ki-taek: The one who quit this week? Dong Ik: My wife wouldn't even tell me why she quit. Sure, it's easy enough to hire a new one. Still, it's a shame. She was a great housekeeper. Ki-taek: I see. Dong Ik: She kept the house in great shape, and she knew never to cross the line. I can't stand people who cross the line. Perhaps just one weak point? Eating too much. She always ate enough for two. But considering all the work she did... Ki-taek: Then you better find someone new. A new housekeeper. Dong Ik: We're in trouble now. In a week, our house will be a trash can. My clothes will start to smell. My wife has no talent for housework. She's bad at cleaning, and her cooking's awful. Ki-taek: Still, you love her, right? Dong Ik: Of course. I love her. We'll call it love.
Park Da-hye: Did you know that Da-song is faking it all? Kim Ki-woo: Huh? What do you mean? Park Da-hye: It's all a show. Acting like a genius, that 4th dimension stuff is all fake. An artist cosplay. Kim Ki-woo: Da-song? Park Da-hye: You know that thing, when he freezes and stares at the sky, as if struck by inspiration. Kim Ki-woo: So he's walking along, then he stares at the clouds for 10 minutes. Park Da-hye: So you know what I mean? He gives me the creeps. He pretends that he can't live a normal life. Makes me want to puke.
Chung-sook: Why didn't you put up a 'No Urinating' sign? I told you! Ki-taek: No, signs like that just make them piss even more.
Park Yeon-kyo: He has a Basquiat-esque sense, even at age 9!
Kim Ki-jung: Shut the window. Ki-taek: Leave it open. We'll get free extermination. Kill the stink bugs.
Moon-gwang: Are you some family of charlatans? Chung-sook: So, sis... Moon-gwang: Don't fucking call me sis, you filthy bitch! I'm gonna send this video to the madame, how about that? Ki-taek: No reception in the basement, right? Kim Ki-jung: The phone works fine. Kim Ki-woo: Ma'am, to be honest, the jobs we have here... Moon-gwang: Shut up! It's too late now! Let's all go to jail! We're fucking going down! Ki-taek: Lady, are you crazy? If they see that video, Mr. Park and his wife will be so shocked! What did those nice people ever do wrong? Why do this to them? Moon-gwang: Stop right there! Or I'll push the 'send' button.
Da Song: It's the same! They smell the same! Park Yeon-kyo: What are you talking about? Go up to Jessica. Da Song: Jessica smells like that, too.
Park Yeon-kyo: It's ridiculous, right? Running around, trying to please a kid. He's not some kind of prince. Chung-sook: He's the youngest. It's common. Park Yeon-kyo: Please understand. Da-song is a bit... unwell. He's receiving trauma therapy and art therapy. There was an incident. Chung-sook: What incident? Park Yeon-kyo: Sis, you believe in ghosts, too? Da-song saw a ghost in the house when he was in 1st grade. He had a birthday party at home that day. Late that night, when everyone was sleeping, Da-song crept down to the kitchen and took the cake out. The whipped cream on that cake was amazing. Even in bed, he couldn't stop thinking about it. So Da-song was sitting, eating his cake... He screamed, and I ran downstairs, and he was all... his eyes rolled back in his head, convulsions, foam in his mouth. Have you ever seen a child have a seizure? Chung-sook: No. Park Yeon-kyo: They need 15-minute treatment, or they're done for. That's the time you have to reach an emergency room, 15 minutes.
Dong Ik: Anyway, I can give this card to my wife, right? Ki-taek: Yes, that's why I brought it up. No need to mention me. You can tell her you found the company yourself. Dong Ik: Sure. Thanks to you I can play the good husband.
Dong Ik: Wait a minute. Where's that smell coming from? Park Yeon-kyo: What smell? Dong Ik: Mr. Kim's smell. Park Yeon-kyo: Mr. Kim? Dong Ik: Yeah. Park Yeon-kyo: Not sure what you mean. Dong Ik: Really? You must have smelled it. That smell that wafts through the car, how to describe it? Park Yeon-kyo: An old man's smell? Dong Ik: No no, it's not that. What is it? Like an old radish? No. You know when you boil a rag? It smells like that. Anyway, even though he always seems about to cross the line, he never does cross it. That's good. I'll give him credit. Park Yeon-kyo: Yeah. Dong Ik: But that smell crosses the line. It powers through right into the back seat. Park Yeon-kyo: How bad can it be? Dong Ik: I don't know. It's hard to describe. But you sometimes smell it on the subway. Park Yeon-kyo: It's been ages since I rode a subway. Dong Ik: People who ride the subway have a special smell.
Park Yeon-kyo: They say a ghost in the house brings wealth. Actually, the money's been good recently.
Kim Ki-woo: If Da-hye and I marry, we can bring in actors to be my mom and dad. Kim Ki-woo: Look at her. She got so many jobs acting in weddings last year. Kim Ki-jung: I even caught the bouquet from a bitch I've never met. If you get the bouquet, they pay an extra $10. Chung-sook: That's how your acting got so good!
Park Yeon-kyo: Listen, do you know how to make ram-don? Chung-sook: Ram-don? Park Yeon-kyo: Da-song likes ram-don more than anything.
Chung-sook: If she wanted, she'd be a fucking great con artist. Ki-taek: Isn't her voice tone great? Takes after me.
Kim Ki-jung: We're the ones who need help. Worry about us, okay? Dad! Come on, Dad! Just focus on us, okay? On us! Not Driver Yoon, but me, please! Ki-taek: Awesome timing, huh? Kim Ki-woo: She speaks, and the lightning crashes!
Kim Ki-woo: What would Min do in this situation? Kim Ki-jung: Min wouldn't be in this situation!
Ki-taek: Then would this help? Dong Ik: The Care? What is this? Ki-taek: I just recently found out about them. How to describe it? It's like a membership service. The company provides veteran-grade help to VIP customers such as you. For example maids, caregivers, or drivers like myself. Dong Ik: You can tell from the card they're high-class. Cool design. Then how do you know about this company? Ki-taek: They contacted me as a veteran-grade driver. You might say they scouted me? But when their call came I had already arranged to meet with you. Dong Ik: I see... You turned down this famous company to work for me. I won't forget that.
Ki-taek: Wow, does Oxford have a major in document forgery? Ki-jung would be top of her class.
Chung-sook: But how long has your husband been down here? Moon-gwang: Hold on a sec. 4 years? Geun-se: 4 years, 3 months and 17 days. Moon-gwang: Right, it's June now. Four years ago when Mr. Namgoong moved to Paris, in the time before Mr. Park's family moved in, I brought my husband down here. Many rich houses have secret bunkers, where you can hide in case North Korea attacks, or if creditors break in. But it seems Mr. Namgoong was a bit embarrassed about this, because he never mentioned it to Mr. Park's family. So only I know about it. Chung-sook: So that's how it happened. But now that I know, I've no choice but to call the police! Moon-gwang: No please, sis! As fellow members of the needy, please don't. Chung-sook: I'm not needy! Moon-gwang: But we're needy! We've no house, no money, only debts! Sis, please! Even after 4 years of hiding, those debt collectors won't give up. They're still searching for him, threatening to stab him. Chung-sook: You used loan sharks? Geun-se: It's all my fault. The Taiwan cake shop. My Taiwanese Wangshui castella shop went bust. I was overwhelmed by debt. Moon-gwang: Please take this. Chung-sook: What's that? Moon-gwang: It's not much, just a modest sum. But we'll send it to you every month. In return, just once every 2 days, please leave him some food. No no, just once a week. There's a refrigerator here. Just once a week. Chung-sook: You've got some nerve! I'm calling the police.
Ki-taek: We live here now, don't we? Getting drunk in the living room. Kim Ki-woo: Right, we live here. Why not? Ki-taek: This is our home right now. It's cozy. Chung-sook: Cozy? Are you feeling cozy? Sure, but suppose Park walked through that door now. What about your dad? He'd run and hide like a cockroach. Kids, you know at our house, when you turn on the light, and the cockroaches scatter? You know what I mean? Ki-taek: I'm getting fucking tired of this. A cockroach? Chung-sook: Yeah. Kim Ki-woo: Huh? What's wrong? Kim Ki-jung: What's the matter? Kim Ki-woo: Dad, don't do that. You only live once. Kim Ki-jung: What the hell? Ki-taek: I fooled you! Didn't I? Kim Ki-woo: Jesus, Dad. Ki-taek: I fooled you too, Ki-woo? Did it look for real? Chung-sook: If it was for real, I'd fucking kill you.
Dong Ik: God, I can't believe I'm doing this at my age. It's so embarrassing. I'm really sorry, Mr. Kim. Da-song's mom insisted, it can't be helped. But the concept is simple. There'll be a parade with Jessica carrying a birthday cake. Then we jump out and attack Jessica. Swinging our tomahawks! Ki-taek: Right. Dong Ik: Just then, Da-song the good Indian will jump out and we'll do battle. Finally he'll save Jessica the cake princess, and they'll all cheer. Something like that. Silly, isn't it? Ki-taek: I guess your wife likes events and surprises. Dong Ik: Yeah, she does. But she's particularly into this party. Ki-taek: You're trying your best, too. Well, you love her, after all. Dong Ik: Mr. Kim. You're getting paid extra. Think of this as part of your work, okay?
Park Yeon-kyo: Please don't tell any of this to my husband, okay? Ki-taek: Understood. Park Yeon-kyo: If he hears I brought a TB patient to our home, I'll be hanged and quartered! Ki-taek: Don't worry, Madame. And if I may presume to say one thing. I have no feelings against that woman. I felt I had to speak up for the sake of public health and hygiene. But this could be seen as snitching or... Park Yeon-kyo: Don't you worry. I won't mention the TB. I'll just make up some excuse to dismiss her. Simply and quietly. It's a proven method. That's the best. Ki-taek: Okay, then. Park Yeon-kyo: Have you... washed your hands?
Doctor: That happens sometimes after brain surgery. They keep laughing. For no reason.
