Robin Williams: Notice this, my friends - W doesn't speak while Cheney's drinking water. Check that shit out.
出自電影《羅賓·威廉姆斯：百老匯現場》 的經典對白。
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Robin Williams: You have to remember, John Ashcroft is a man who LOST to a dead man in Missouri. The choices were clear: John Ashcroft, Dead Man. And everyone in Missouri is going, "Sorry, Johnny. The dead man scares me less than you do."
Robin Williams: Ya. The nice Germans. Or, as they call themselves, "the other white race."
Robin Williams: And you can't bomb the Afghanis back to the stone age because they'll think, "Upgrade. Fun."
Robin Williams: Get out of here, you goofy little Canadian bastard eh.
Robin Williams: Canada's like a loft apartment over a really great party.
Robin Williams: I'm saying "You're lucky he just bit somebody. Mike just got out of prison; you're lucky he didn't FUCK him."
Robin Williams: Guns don't kill people... APES with guns kill people.
Robin Williams: Now Martha Stewart may become somebodys bitch. NO! SAY IT AINT SO!
Robin Williams: I'm an Episcopal, which is Catholic Lite. It's like same religion, half the guilt.
Robin Williams: Notice this, my friends - W doesn't speak while Cheney's drinking water. Check that shit out.
Robin Williams: Come on, people, let's go, we're leaving. Don't eat the shellfish! I'll tell you why later.
Robin Williams: Cut the foreplay, let's have ice fucking.
Robin Williams: Is it me, or are cat's drag queens? I think they are. It's the way they go, 'Who loves Kitty?'
Robin Williams: Why get your tongue pierced? And she says, "To enahthe the thekthual thtimulathon."
Robin Williams: They don't even bother drug-testing the snowboarders, they just go "Get the fuck out."
Robin Williams: I've got a cure for this: "One nation, under Canada, above Mexico." But then you have that whole thing where you have anthems like, "Someone bless America!" And on the dollar bill, instead of "in God we trust", "in Gates we trust." Mr Gates, when did you realize you were creating a monopoly? "Monopoly's just a game, Senator... I'm trying to control the fucking world. Don't you see? Windows Millennium? Windows Millennium Me? It's all leading up to Information Technology. Soon it will be Total Information Technology: TIT. And while you're sucking on the TIT, I have you by the motherboard!"
Robin Williams: God bless you Canadian people. You're so fucking nice eh.
Robin Williams: The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, "Vhat's that noise?"
Robin Williams: God gave man a penis and a brain. And only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams: If ya want a linguistic adventure, go drinkin' with a Scotsman. 'Cause ya couldn't fucking understand them before...
Robin Williams: An Arab in Utah is like an albino at the Apollo. You would notice!
Robin Williams: Oh yes! Oh yes, my little salmon-head friend!
Robin Williams: At one doctor's appointment, I moaned another doctor's name. Don't do that. "Who's Dr. Smith?" "You're the only one!"
Robin Williams: The Biathalon is like Norwegian Drive-By.
Robin Williams: They're saying that some of the Olympic Referees were being paid off, OH SHIT. SAY IT AINT SO.
Robin Williams: Look, I don't have any wrinkles. You also have no expression.
Robin Williams: All right! Thank you very much! Goodnight!
Robin Williams: We're here in New York, fuckin' New York!
Robin Williams: You have to remember, John Ashcroft is a man who LOST to a dead man in Missouri. The choices were clear: John Ashcroft, Dead Man. And everyone in Missouri is going, "Sorry, Johnny. The dead man scares me less than you do."
Robin Williams: Ya. The nice Germans. Or, as they call themselves, "the other white race."
Robin Williams: And you can't bomb the Afghanis back to the stone age because they'll think, "Upgrade. Fun."
Robin Williams: Get out of here, you goofy little Canadian bastard eh.
Robin Williams: Canada's like a loft apartment over a really great party.
Robin Williams: Guns don't kill people... APES with guns kill people.
Robin Williams: Now Martha Stewart may become somebodys bitch. NO! SAY IT AINT SO!
Robin Williams: I'm an Episcopal, which is Catholic Lite. It's like same religion, half the guilt.
Robin Williams: Notice this, my friends - W doesn't speak while Cheney's drinking water. Check that shit out.
Robin Williams: Come on, people, let's go, we're leaving. Don't eat the shellfish! I'll tell you why later.
Robin Williams: Cut the foreplay, let's have ice fucking.
Robin Williams: God gave man a penis and a brain. And only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams: I'm saying "You're lucky he just bit somebody. Mike just got out of prison; you're lucky he didn't FUCK him."
Robin Williams: We will all be dead and gone, but Keith Robin Williams: will still be there with five cockroaches. He'll be going, "I smoked your uncle, did ya know that? Fucking crazy..."
Robin Williams: Jesus was an only child, and thank God, because who would want to be Jerry, the brother of Christ? Robin Williams: That's a tough gig. I'd imagine he ends up in a bar at the age of 30 going: Robin Williams: "Yeah, I'm Jerry Christ, whoop dee doo. Jesus is a carpenter, I'm a plumber; you do the math! Yeah, I healed someone. Come here Spot, heel! Look at that!" And people tell me Jesus wasn't Jewish... of course he was Jewish! Thirty years old, single, living at home with his parents, come on. Working in his father's business, his mother thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish, *give it up!* It's an old tradition! And he was Jewish, and many of his Disciples were Jewish. But, for the Last Supper, would they not have gone out for Chinese? I think so. Robin Williams: 'Welcome to Yahweh. Hold on one minute; no service, no sandals. Okay, you come in now. Twelve, all I got is two tables of six. Wait a minute, you all sit here by the window, but you all have to face this way. Robin Williams: Hold on! You are glowing, so I guess we don't need that lamp, that's very nice! And you've just turned a Szechwan chicken into a live chicken, you very good!' Robin Williams: And that night, he said, "One of you shall betray me." And Peter said, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus turned to him and said, "No, it is not you Peter." And Simon said, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus said, "No, it is not you Simon." And Judas asked, "Is it me, Jesus?" And Jesus turned to him, and said, Robin Williams: *"Is it me, Jesus?"* And now you see two traditions beginning: Jewish sarcasm and Gentile humor. Together born! At that main moment!
Robin Williams: I know there's a cure for bio terrorism or whatever it is, and I know it lies within Keith Richards. He is the only man on the planet who can go "Anthrax?" Robin Williams: All RIGHT... This'll go great with my e-coli" Keith is the only man who can make the Osbornes look fucking Amish.
Robin Williams: At one end, a Hummer and two National Guardsmen, at the other end, a Hummer and two National Guardsmen. The problem is that the Hummer and the National Guardsmen are wearing jungle camouflage. For those of you who have never been to San Francisco, the bridge is bright orange. I just feel like going: Robin Williams: Be very, very quiet. We're wooking for tewwowists. He He He He He He He.
Robin Williams: All these names in the Bible were very Jewish. You had Noah, Moses, Zebedee, and then we get Mary and Joe. Only a hyphenate away from Mary-Jean and Joe-Bob. We could have had Jim-Bob, the son of God. We could've all been in church singing, Robin Williams: Praise to him, Jim-Bob! He who finds us stuff and gets me a job! JIM-BOB!
Robin Williams: I want a drug that encompasses it *all.* We'll call it "Fukitol." Robin Williams: I don't feel anything. I don't care for anything. Fukitol. The closest thing you'll ever be to being in a coma: Fukitol. I'm sitting here in my own dung. Fukitol.
Robin Williams: 'Hello! Let's not wait for the bread to rise! Take the crackers and the skin off your penis, we're leaving!' Robin Williams: 'Excuse me, why the skin off our penises?' Robin Williams: 'We're traveling, people, you don't want sand in there. Let's go!'
Robin Williams: How can you trust an army... how butch is an army that has a wine opener on the end of its knife? Robin Williams: "Many of you men have never opened chardonnay under fire! First take out the corkscrew, say, 'meat or fish', then throw! Robin Williams: I don't know, but I've been told / Chardonnay must be served cold!"
Robin Williams: And now we find out, that Winston Churchill, one of the greatest orators of all time, may have been so fucked up on cognac and champagne, that he didn't do some of his great speeches. They were done by a man from the BBC who also did Winnie the Pooh. 'We will fight them on the beaches, in the air, on the land! Eeyore and Tigger!' And, he was fighting against Hitler! A man who a book recently declared was a homosexual, and I always thought *this* was a clue! Robin Williams: That and the leather and the dancing!
Robin Williams: *Shhh!* Robin Williams: There's a gay mafia! *Shhh!* The Mauve Hand... the Fairy Godfather: Robin Williams: "Does this pistol make my ass look big?" *Shhh!*
Robin Williams: America made it, we made it to the 16 baby, WHOOEEE! We're no longer in the Special Olympics category! They used to see us and go: Robin Williams: Oh, give it to them, they're damaged people.
