Dante Hicks: You hate people! Randal Graves: But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?
出自電影《瘋狂店員》 的經典對白。
更多瘋狂店員的經典對白
Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.
Randal Graves: My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.
Randal Graves: People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom."
Randal Graves: Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
Jay: Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Schmokin Weed, Schmokin' Weed, Doin' Coke, Drinkin' Beers...
Dante Hicks: A little word of advice, my friend. Sometimes you gotta let those hard-to-reach chips go.
Jay: I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.
Caitlin Bree: I'm offering you my body and you're offering me semantics.
Jay: Pack o' wraps, my brotherman, time to kick back, drink some beers and shmoke some weed!
Jay: Hey what you want, Grizzly Adams?
Dante Hicks: All right, so they bring in independent contractors, why are you so upset at its destruction?
Hello. What? No, I don't work today. I'm playing hockey at two.
Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.
Randal Graves: My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.
Randal Graves: People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom."
Jay: Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Schmokin Weed, Schmokin' Weed, Doin' Coke, Drinkin' Beers...
Dante Hicks: A little word of advice, my friend. Sometimes you gotta let those hard-to-reach chips go.
Randal Graves: Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
Jay: I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Excuse me. But do you sell videotapes? Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for? 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: "Happy Scrappy Hero Pup". Randal Graves: Uh, one second. I'm on the phone with the distribution house now; lemme make sure they got it. 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: 'Kay. Randal Graves: What's it called again? 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: "Happy Scrappy Hero Pup". 'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: "Happy Scrappy"! 'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it. Randal Graves: Obviously. Randal Graves: Uh, yeah, hi, this is RST Video calling. Customer #4352. I'd like to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-Fucking, Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rimjobbers", "My Cunt and Eight Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns 3", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum on Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave Cunt", "Men Alone 2: The K-Y Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", oh yeah, and, uh, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock". 'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: "Scrappy"! Randal Graves: Yup. Oh, wait a minute. Randal Graves: Uh, what was that called again?
Jay: Yeah. Silent Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. Jay: Ewww, you fucking faggot, I hate guys. I LOVE WOMEN!
Dante Hicks: You hate people! Randal Graves: But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?
Randal Graves: Embolism in a pool. Dante Hicks: What an embarrassing way to die. Randal Graves: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. Dante Hicks: How did he die? Randal Graves: He broke his neck. Dante Hicks: That's embarrassing? Randal Graves: He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick!
Coroner: My question is, how did she come to have sex with a dead man? Dante Hicks: She thought it was me. Coroner: What kind of convenience store do you run here?
Dante Hicks: Are there any balls down there? Jay: About the biggest pair you ever seen, dingleberry!
Veronica Loughran: You men make me feel sick. You'll sleep with anything that says yes. Dante Hicks: Animal, mineral or vegetable. Veronica Loughran: Vegetable, meaning paraplegic. Dante Hicks: They put up the least amount of struggle.
Jay: I feel good today, Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, then you know what we're going to do? We're gonna go to that party, we're gonna get some pussy, and I'm gonna fuck this bitch, I'll fuck this bitch, I'll fuck ANYTHING THAT MOVES! Jay: Yo, what the fuck you lookin' at? I'll kick your fuckin' ass! Shit yeah. Jay: Doesn't that mother fucker owe me 10 bucks? You know, fuckin' tonight, we're gonna rip off this fucker's head, and tear out his fuckin' soul. Remind me if he tries to buy something, I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag. Jay: Hey, what's up babes? What's up, sluts?
Dante Hicks: It wasn't me. Caitlin Bree: Yeah, right. What was it, then? Randal? Dante Hicks: Was it you? Randal Graves: I was up here the whole time. Caitlin Bree: You two better quit it. Dante Hicks: I'm serious. Caitlin Bree: Oh, so, we didn't just have sex in the bathroom? Dante Hicks: No. Caitlin Bree: Stop it. This isn't funny. Dante Hicks: I'm not fooling around. I just came in from outside. Caitlin Bree: This isn't fucking funny, Dante! Dante Hicks: I'm not kidding! Dante Hicks: Who went back there? Randal Graves: Nobody, I swear! Caitlin Bree: I feel nauseous. Dante Hicks: Are you sure there was someone back there? Caitlin Bree: Well, I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus Christ! God, I'm gonna be sick! Randal Graves: You just fucked a total stranger? Dante Hicks: Shut the fuck up! Caitlin Bree: I can't believe this. Dante Hicks: Call the police! Caitlin Bree: No, don't! Randal Graves: Why? Dante Hicks: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom and he just raped Caitlin! Randal Graves: She said she did all the work. Dante Hicks: Will you shut the fuck up! Who the fuck's in our bathroom?
Randal Graves: You know who I can do without? I can do without the people in the video store. Dante Hicks: Which ones? Randal Graves: All of them. Bed Wetting Dad: What would you get for a six-year-old boy who chronically wets his bed? Video Confusion Customer: So, do you have any new movies in? Low I.Q. Video Customer: Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that was out last year? Randal Graves: They never rent quality flicks. They always pick the most intellectually devoid movies on the racks. Low I.Q. Video Customer: OOOOH! NAVY SEALS! Randal Graves: It's like in order to join, they have to have an I.Q. less than their shoe size. Dante Hicks: You think you get stupid questions? You should hear the barrage of stupid questions I get. Cold Coffee Lover: What do mean there's no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot? Candy Confusion Customer: So how much is this thing anyway? Hubcap Searching Customer: Do you sell hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback? Ooh, Mini-Trucker Magazine!
Randal Graves: This has gotta be the weirdest thing you've ever been called in on. Coroner: Actually, I once had to tag a kid that broke his neck trying to put his mouth on his penis.
Dante Hicks: Hey, whatcha rent? Dante Hicks: "Best of Both Worlds"? Randal Graves: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame. Dante Hicks: And you rented this? Randal Graves: Hey, I like to expand my horizons.
Dante Hicks: Someone jammed gum in the locks. Veronica Loughran: You're kidding. Dante Hicks: Bunch of savages in this town.
Jay's Lady Friend: He only speaks Russian? Jay: Naw, he speaks some English, but he can't all speak it good like we do.
Randal Graves: Some guy just came in refusing to pay late fees. Said the video store was closed for two hours yesterday. So, I tore up his membership. Dante Hicks: Shocking abuse of authority. Randal Graves: Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
Jay: Pack o' wraps, my brotherman, time to kick back, drink some beers and shmoke some weed!
