George Carlin: Motivation is bullshit. If you ask me, this country could use a little less motivation. The people who are motivated are the ones who are causing all the trouble: stock swindlers, serial killers, child molesters, Christian conservatives. These people are highly motivated!
出自電影《喬治·卡林：抱怨與牢騷》 的經典對白。
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George Carlin: Motivation is bullshit. If you ask me, this country could use a little less motivation. The people who are motivated are the ones who are causing all the trouble: stock swindlers, serial killers, child molesters, Christian conservatives. These people are highly motivated!
George Carlin: Here's something you never hear a guy say: "Stop sucking my dick, or I'll call the police!"
George Carlin: If someone else is injured, I wanna take a look. I am Curious George.
George Carlin: I drive kinda recklessly, I take a lot of chances, I never repair my vehicles, and I don't believe in traffic laws.
George Carlin: You know something people don't talk about in public anymore? Pussy farts!
George Carlin: Here are some more men who ought to be strapped to a gurney and castrated with fishing knives: white guys who shave their heads completely bald. You know? They're so ashamed they lost eleven hairs, they're gonna try to turn into some kind of a masculine statement. I say, "Hey, you goofy-looking, baldy-headed fuck... it looks good on black guys; on you, it's ugly, repulsive and disgusting. If you want to be bald, do what I did: wait a while." Meantime, there's no excuse for running around, looking like a freshly-circumcised dick.
George Carlin: Here's something you never hear a guy say: "Stop sucking my dick, or I'll call the police!"
George Carlin: Motivation is bullshit. If you ask me, this country could use a little less motivation. The people who are motivated are the ones who are causing all the trouble: stock swindlers, serial killers, child molesters, Christian conservatives. These people are highly motivated!
George Carlin: If someone else is injured, I wanna take a look. I am Curious George.
George Carlin: Here are some more men who ought to be strapped to a gurney and castrated with fishing knives: white guys who shave their heads completely bald. You know? They're so ashamed they lost eleven hairs, they're gonna try to turn into some kind of a masculine statement. I say, "Hey, you goofy-looking, baldy-headed fuck... it looks good on black guys; on you, it's ugly, repulsive and disgusting. If you want to be bald, do what I did: wait a while." Meantime, there's no excuse for running around, looking like a freshly-circumcised dick.
George Carlin: I drive kinda recklessly, I take a lot of chances, I never repair my vehicles, and I don't believe in traffic laws.
George Carlin: You know something people don't talk about in public anymore? Pussy farts!
George Carlin: Two is all you need, Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fucking pocket. And if they had a list like that, I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama putting it up on the courthouse wall, as long as they included one additional commandment, "Thou shalt keep they religion to thyself". George Carlin: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, everybody! Thanks for coming out! I appreciate it! Thank you! Thank you!
George Carlin: Now, the government has asked us all to come up with suggestions and ideas that we might have to help them to fight terrorism. That'll give you an idea of how much shit THEY have on the shelf. Okay? George Carlin: Yeah. And like any good citizen, I'm ready with my suggestions. Now, first of all, overseas, in Afghanistan, I think you have to use the most powerful weapon you have. In this case, chemical warfare of a type never used before. And I'm talking about the Flatulent Airborne Reaction Team. George Carlin: F-A-R-T, FART. Here's what you do. You take thousands of overweight, male NFL football fans, okay? Thousands of them. We're gonna start with a nucleus of Giants fans and Jets fans. Gotta start with that nucleus. George Carlin: Now, it might be necessary, it might be necessary, to include some Bills fans and Eagles fans, too, okay? This is war; you can't be choosy. And I'm also thinking about getting some of those big, fat cocksuckers who root for the teams in the NFC Central, you know? Chicago Bears fans, Green Bay Packers fans, guys who eat a lot of bratwurst. Okay? George Carlin: And all of these guys have to be over 200 pounds. What you do is for thirty days, you put them on a diet of nothing but cheese, cabbage, and beer. George Carlin: Okay? That's all they get for thirty days. For many of these men, this will not be a new diet. George Carlin: You fill them up with cheese, cabbage, and beer, and you drop them into Afghanistan, where they commence chemical warfare of the highest order. You send three-man FART squads into every cave and tunnel in Afghanistan. George Carlin: Just send them in there. All right? And then ya smoke them out. That's right. These good citizens will release horrendous, deadly farts. The kind of fart that could kill cancer. George Carlin: The kind of fart that comes in handy if you have something that needs welding. George Carlin: The kind of fart that if you let one go at home, thirty minutes later, your plants are all yellow. George Carlin: The kind of fart that after two or three days, you begin to realize there are no more birds in your neighborhood. George Carlin: A fart that would eat the stitching out of Levis. George Carlin: Can I get away with one more fart joke here?
