John Gustafson: I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing.
出自電影《鬥氣老頑童》 的經典對白。
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Grandpa Gustafson: Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye to the optometrist.
John Gustafson: I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing.
Max Goldman: When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades.
Max Goldman: Do me a favor. Put your lip over your head... and swallow.
Max Goldman: If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.
Max Goldman: Gotta use *hot* water, dickhead!
Max Goldman: Hey dickhead you win the lottery?
Max Goldman: She chose me, and anyone who says different is a damn liar!
Chuck: That's not just a woman living across your street, she's an angel.
Grandpa Gustafson: Kids; Can't live with them, can't shoot them.
Max Goldman: Hey, watch your mouth you dumb friggin' Swede.
Grandpa Gustafson: Damn kids your cant live with em and ya cant shoot em.
Grandpa Gustafson: Looks like Chuck's taking old one-eye to the optometrist.
Max Goldman: When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades.
John Gustafson: I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing.
Max Goldman: Do me a favor. Put your lip over your head... and swallow.
Max Goldman: If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.
Max Goldman: Gotta use *hot* water, dickhead!
Max Goldman: Hey dickhead you win the lottery?
Max Goldman: She chose me, and anyone who says different is a damn liar!
Chuck: That's not just a woman living across your street, she's an angel.
Grandpa Gustafson: Kids; Can't live with them, can't shoot them.
Max Goldman: Hey, watch your mouth you dumb friggin' Swede.
Grandpa Gustafson: Damn kids your cant live with em and ya cant shoot em.
John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes. Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?
Max Goldman: John! John! Are you dead? John Gustafson: Not yet. But I don't want to die looking at your ugly face.
Max Goldman: Hey Gustafson, your cat crapped on my steps again. John Gustafson: Yeah, who says you can't train a cat?
Ariel Truax: And these two little guys? John Gustafson: Oh! That's me and the moron. Ariel Truax: Is that Max? John Gustafson: Of course it's Max. He's ugly isn't he? Ariel Truax: Aw, you mean you were friends? John Gustafson: I was 10, and didn't know any better. Ariel Truax: What makes two men spend most of their lives fighting? John Gustafson: Oh? Guess. Ariel Truax: A woman! Ariel Truax: How romantic. John Gustafson: No, it wasn't romantic at all.
John Gustafson: I hit the cans again! Chuck: I heard. How is the Grinch today? John Gustafson: Ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out.
Grandpa Gustafson: Did you mount her? John Gustafson: Oh, *Dad*! Grandpa Gustafson: Wait, wait. Has she got big thighs? John Gustafson: No. Grandpa Gustafson: No? Then what's the problem? If I was a young fella like you, I'd be mounting - every woman in Wabasha.
John Gustafson: Ohh you don't know a damn things about me... Ariel Truax: I do too! And I also know the only thing in life, that you regret, are the risks that you don't take.
Ariel Truax: Gay or straight? John Gustafson: Huh? Ariel Truax: Heterosexual or homosexual? John Gustafson: Geez Louise! Ariel Truax: Well, it's a perfectly legitimate question. John Gustafson: Well, maybe in California, but here in Minnesota... Who-ho-ho-ho!
Ariel Truax: All the ideas that you brought to those young minds. John Gustafson: Yeah, but kids, they think they know it all, right? Ariel Truax: Oh, once in a while you reach one. You touch them somehow. John Gustafson: I did that once. Ariel Truax: Really? John Gustafson: It was my Roosevelt's New Deal lecture. I touched a kid in the back of the head while he was snoring.
John Gustafson: ...very interesting woman. Jacob: Sounds like a wacko to me. John Gustafson: I haven't had sex for fifteen years.
John Gustafson: Did you hear about Eddie Hicks? Max Goldman: Hypothermia's a bitch. Not quick like a stroke. John Gustafson: A stroke is no good. You could end up like a vegetable. Give me a cardiac any day.
John Gustafson: I've had a lot on my mind lately. Grandpa Gustafson: I'll tell you what's on my mind. It's butt-cold out here and I'm fresh out of beer.
Ariel Truax: Sometimes a person has to go a very long distance out of their way to come back a short distance correctly.
Chuck: Can I get something for ya? John Gustafson: Yeah. I need a six-pack of Schmidt and I'm out of bait. Chuck: Shiners or wax worms? John Gustafson: Oh, Hell, I can't afford those damn shiners, give me wax worms. Chuck: The wax worms are 75 cents. John Gustafson: 75 cents? Crime in Italy. Chuck, we're talking about worms not caviar. Chuck: You go through that *every* time. Now, where you think you're going to get worms this time of year? It's supply and demand. John Gustafson: You could retire in Florida just from selling me worms.
