George Carlin: Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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George Carlin: Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
George Carlin: I got a lot of good ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
George Carlin: I promise not to refer to any as a "class act", a "beautiful person", or a "happy camper"!
George Carlin: And for those of you who "need a little space," please... GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE!
George Carlin: I got a lot of good ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
George Carlin: And for those of you who "need a little space," please... GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE!
George Carlin: I promise not to refer to any as a "class act", a "beautiful person", or a "happy camper"!
George Carlin: Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
George Carlin: Some people, they're not stupid, they're not full of shit. They're fucking NUTS! Dan Quayle is ALL THREE! George Carlin: All three! Stupid, full of shit, and fucking nuts! And where did he get that wife of his? Have you taken a good look at that Marilyn Quayle? Where did he get her, at a Halloween party or something? She looks like Prince Charles, for Christ's sake! George Carlin: That's my political humor. People like it when you're topical.
George Carlin: Do you honestly believe that if a paramedic finds that card on you in an automobile accident, he's going to try and save your life? Bullshit, he's looking for parts, man! George Carlin: Absolutely! "Look, Dan, here's that lower intestine we've been looking for! Never mind the oxygen, this man's a donor!"
George Carlin: I happen to agree with most of the feminist philosophy I have read. I agree, for instance, that for the most part, men are vain, ignorant, greedy, brutal assholes who just about ruined this planet... George Carlin: ...who just about ruined this planet because they're afraid someone might have a bigger dick out there somewhere. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, so they have to kill one another over it. You do not have to be a political scientist or a history major to see the bigger dick foreign policy theory at work. It sounds like this: "what? They have bigger dicks? Bomb them!"
George Carlin: Another thing I wonder is does a rapist have a hard-on when he leaves the house in the morning, or does he develop it during the day while he's walking around looking for somebody? George Carlin: These are the kind of thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools.
George Carlin: There's a lot of things you never see. And you know you don't see them 'cause you don't see them. You've got to see something first to know you never saw it, then you see it and say "hey, I never saw that." Too late; you just saw it. I know things you never see. You never see a Rolls Royce with a bumper sticker that says "shit happens." George Carlin: You never see a really big tall fat Chinese guy with red hair. George Carlin: You never see a wheelchair with a roll bar. George Carlin: You never see someone taking a shit while running at full speed! George Carlin: And you never see a picture of Margaret Thatcher strapping on a dildo.
George Carlin: We have no more stupid people in this country. Everybody has a "learning disorder". Or he's "minimally exceptional". George Carlin: Imagine being told that about your child. "He's minimally exceptional." Oh, thank God for that.
