這是兒童不宜、殘酷人生版的非典型聖誕佳作。威利(比利鮑伯松頓 飾演)是標準魯蛇,人生沒有希望、嘴不離酒、髒話不離口,吃喝嫖賭什麼都敢作。出獄後的他,唯一賺錢方法就是與他的夥伴馬庫斯(托尼考克斯 飾演),每年在聖誕節假期到百貨公司報到,兩人扮演聖誕老公公與矮人,在購物中心聆聽孩子的禮物願望。只是威利扮演的聖誕老人總是出包,不只沒有道德廉恥在小孩面前出口成「髒」,還跟聖誕老婆婆的「妹妹」亂搞... 而威利與馬庫斯的身分只是假象,一到聖誕節當晚,他們會回到「百貨公司大盜」的真實身分,將所有保險櫃與時髦商品洗劫一空,大賺聖誕財;但今年威利時運不濟,他比過去酗酒嚴重,新目標的百貨公司經理與保全對他們十分懷疑,加上威利還被8歲胖男孩纏上,一個對聖誕老公公充滿好奇的麻煩小子...
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Bob Chipeska: Hi. Bob Chipeska. Welcome. Great photo and resume by the way. Marcus: Thanks. You know, we've been at this for a long time and all, so we like to think we do a good job. Bob Chipeska: You two are perfect for this job, truly. So, I don't want his unpleasentness affect your performance in any way. Marcus: Oh no. We... Willie: Performance? Bob Chipeska: Yes. Your performance. You know, the... Willie: Do you mean sexual? Bob Chipeska: Excuse me? Willie: Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear? Is that what you're saying to me? Bob Chipeska: I'm sorry, your gear? Marcus: Willie... Willie: My fuck stick Marcus: Willie, take a seat. You know how your blood sugar is. Bob Chipeska: He's not going to say fuck stick in front of the children, is he? Marcus: No! It was just a joke. An adult joke. For us, adults. It's a joke. Just a joke.
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