Dylan: Fuck it! This floor is slippery. These shoes are fucked for this. Mr. Kettner: Dylan sportsmanship! Dylan: Fuck You! Mrs. Kettner: Timeout. Dylan: You guys take a timeout for being assholes.
出自電影《辣妹愛宅男》 的經典對白。
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Stainer: A 6? Alright you go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole. I'm just being honest.
Molly: Underwear would be fine... if I were wearing any.
Patty: How the fuck did you get my number?
Kirk: What is he? A dog or a fucking horse?
Stainer: A 6? Alright you go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole. I'm just being honest.
Molly: Underwear would be fine... if I were wearing any.
Patty: How the fuck did you get my number?
Kirk: What is he? A dog or a fucking horse?
Patty: You look just like someone I went to high school with. Stainer: Oh yeah? What high school? Maybe it was me. Patty: No, he's in a coma. Stainer: Huh. Who brought the good news bear? Somebody give her some fucking honey.
Kirk: Patty's not a bitch, she's uh... different. Stainer: Yeah, different in that she's a bitch and other people aren't.
Jack: Dude, forget Stainer. All right? I think you could get her back. Stainer: OK, then why don't you look Kirk in the eyes and tell him that you believe he's gonna end up with Molly. Just tell him that. Jack: Fine. Kirky, I truly believe that... I mean, I think anything is possible. Kirk: "Anything is possible"? Devon: Come on! Like there's a million examples of guys like Kirky ending up with a beautiful woman. Stainer: Such as? Devon: Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts. Jack: Right. Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Then he went on to Denise Richards. Stainer: All recording artists. Normal rules don't apply to those guys. Kirk, as soon as you record an album and it goes platinum, you can push your meat into any human being you want. Jack: OK, OK, OK. King Kong and Naomi Watts. Stainer: They never consummated. Totally platonic relationship. Jack: Stephen Hawking and his lady nurse. Stainer: He's the master of space and time. He knows about black holes and shit. Devon: What about the President of France and that girl that went out with Mick Jagger. Stainer: He knows about wine. And he has a french accent. He could probably French kiss like a motherfucker. Devon: Wait a second... The Beast. Stainer: Who? Devon: The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Beast won Beauty's love and he wasn't rich or a recording artist. Though, he did have an amazing voice. Stainer: OK, Devon, that's a cartoon. But yes, that's one. One out of a million. Devon: You know what, Stainer? All it takes is one. Man, you... You guys sit here and talk about relationships but the truth is, I'm the only one here that's married. Yeah, and I'm tired of you guys busting my nuggets cause I've only been with one girl. It's cause she was the right girl! That's why I married her! So, Kirky, let me tell you something, if Molly is the right girl, that's all that matters. You just, you stand up. You stand up. You get in front of her. You get right in her grill and you say, "Hey, I am Kirk Kettner, and I am right here, standing in front of you... right here. Here I am." Something like that. Stainer: Power of love. Jack: Very... perfect. Kirk: Beautiful. Devon: Thank you. I was in debate, junior/senior year. I don't know if you guys remember that.
Stainer: But he drives a shit box so you have to deduct a point. Kirk: What is wrong with my neon? Stainer: Oh I don't know except the people who make that car don't even like it.
Ron: Come on in for a dip girl. Molly: Oh no, I don't even have a bathing suit. Dylan: You can wear your underwear. It's just like a bikini it covers all the good shit. Ron: Yeah underwear is fine. Marnie: RON! Ron: It's like what they did in the old days. Molly: Underwear would be fine if I were wearing any.
Stainer: Kirk that Molly girl is insanely hot. Kirk: Yeah I know. Stainer: So you know whats happening? She is setting you up with the bitchy friend. Which will be perfect for you because you like bitches. Kirk: That's fine Patty is not a bitch. She's... uh... just different. Stainer: Yeah different in that she is a bitch and other people aren't.
Stainer: Okay, anyway... I love Kirky, but let's face it, the guy's a five. Devon: Stainer, that's just a dirty pool. He's at least a six. Stainer: A six? Alright you go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole. I'm just being honest. Jack: Come on, cut him some slack. Look. Half a point cause he's a nice guy. Right? And he's funny, so that's half a point each. That brings him to six. Devon's right. Stainer: But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point. Take a point off. Kirk: Wait, what's wrong with my Neon? Stainer: Oh, I don't know, except the people who make that car don't even like it. So, we're back to a five. Jack: Five. Stainer: Meanwhile, this Molly, is a hard ten. And that five point disparity, that's a chasm. Chasm? Chasm. You can't jump more than two points. Kirk: Where do you get this shit? Stainer: Trust me, Kirk. I can't even get a ten. Jack: Oh. Not even you, huh? Stainer: I'm a six! OK? Jack: Bullshit, you're a six. Then what am I? Stainer: You're an eight. Jack: OK, you're a six then. Stainer: But I get a one point bump cause I'm in a band. Kirk: Stainer, you're in a Hall and Oats cover band. I'm pretty sure that's a deduction. Stainer: Adult Education is a tribute band. So that puts me back at seven. On a good day, the best I can bag is a nine. Kirk: What about your crappy car? Stainer: Artist's exemption. I'm expected to have a shitty car. Jack: Is there an artist exemption for talking out your ass? Stainer: Yeah, it's called being a rock star, Jack! Look it up in the dictionary. It's right next to "fuck you!" Devon: I think this system's ridiculous. All right? If someone really loves you, then you are a ten. Jack: My God. What are you... Are you Hannah Montanna? Because nothing you are saying right now is of any help to Kirk.
Stainer: So she's taking HER new boyfriend to Branson with YOUR parents. Kirk: Stainer: I don't know whether to laugh... or cry.
Stainer: I love Kirkey but let's face it, the guy's a 5. Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard 10. Devon: He's at least a 6... Stainer: 6? Alright, you go ahead and pop rainbows into his asshole, but I'm just being honest.
Kirk: She is coming to lunch with my parents on Sunday. Stainer: That takes care of that, 20 minutes with your family and she will file a restraining order. We're safe. Devon: Hey did she say anything about Wendy? You know... like about me?
Kirk: Hello? Patty: Who's this? Kirk: I don't know, maybe the guy with the new iPhone. Who's this? Patty: Ah, I don't know, maybe your worst fucking nightmare...
Stainer: Hey, Kirk, um, my shift doesn't start for another half-hour, but, I was so excited, so uh, I came early. Jack: Yeah, and it was weird, he said he was really excited, and so he came early. Stainer: Yeah. Has that ever happened to you? You're so excited about something that, you come early, you know? Kirk: Jesus Christ Devon, you're Fort Knox over here. Thank you very much.
Museum Director: Can I see your invitation? Kirk: Can I see your invitation? Devon: Probably not the best thing to say to the Museum Director.
"Plane Doctor": Excuse me. You're not supposed to be on your phone. It's bad for the plane. Patty: Oh, excuse me? Are you a plane doctor? No? So shut the fuck up!
Dylan: Fuck it! This floor is slippery. These shoes are fucked for this. Mr. Kettner: Dylan sportsmanship! Dylan: Fuck You! Mrs. Kettner: Timeout. Dylan: You guys take a timeout for being assholes.
Kirk: Marnie, I know that we agreed to take some time off and I think that was a great idea. My God. Gave us both a chance to experiment, if you will, and meet all sorts of new and interesting, different people. You did quite a bit more experimenting than I did. A lot more experimenting. You are like a scientist. Beakers... But obviously I'm cool with that, cause the thing is, I think, we're stronger as a result. But here's the thing, Marnie... it's been two years. That's a lot of time off. And I'm ready for some time on. I miss you. I miss us. I got something for you. Kirk: What do you think? Stainer: Aww, man, it's depressing. I mean, it's really depressing. It's horrible to watch you like this. Devon: I think it's really pretty. How's it work? Devon: Oh... Jack: What the hell is that? Kirk: I got it for Valentine's Day, right before she broke up with me. Stainer, I know you don't like her very much. Stainer: No, no, I hate her. In fact, the day that you broke up with her, I marked that down in my calendar as a day of rejoicement. I'm gonna celebrate it with a cake with her face on it, but instead of eating it, I'm gonna smash it. OK? You can do a lot better. You deserve a lot better, Kirky. Kirk: I thank you. But, I've seen what's out there and I don't think it gets any better. Jack: When have you been out there? When have you left the apartment? Kirk: I went out on four different dates, with three girls and that guy. I don't know what his intentions were, but it's fine. We had a great conversation. I think he was just looking for a friend. Jack: Do you know what your problem is, Kirk? Kirk: What? Jack: You're a moodle. Kirk: A moodle? Jack: A man poodle. Girls, they wanna take you out on a walk. They wanna feed you, they wanna cuddle you, but make no mistake, no girl wants to do the moodle. Stainer: No one would ever fuck a moodle. Jack: No, he's right. I'm telling you, if you wanna get Marney back, she has got to believe that from the second she broke up with you, your life has been a non-stop snatch parade. Devon: Or... you could just be who you are. Why can't that be good enough? Stainer: Why don't you just put your fucking balls in here?
Devon: Hey did she say anything about Wendy thinking I'm hot? Kirk: No. Devon: Shoot, I wonder if she is on Facebook? Kirk: Devin you're on Facebook? Devon: Yeah... I got like 37 friends.
Jack: Is there an artist exemption for talking out your ass? Stainer: Yeah it's called being a rock star Jack! Look it up in the dictionary next to fuck you.
Stainer: I love Kirkey but let's face it, the guy's a 5. Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard 10. Devon: Stainer, that's just dirty pool. He's at least a 6... Stainer: 6? Alright, you go ahead and pop rainbows into his asshole, but I'm just being honest.
Tina Jordan: You were plenty good enough for me. You were never good enough for yourself.
Kirk: Are you kidding me, Marnie? That guy? Marnie: That guy is an entrepreneur. Kirk: Well, Ron owns a Pizza Hut. Marnie: That's a business. Kirk: It's not even a real Pizza Hut! It's a Pizza Hut Express! Marnie: Working airport security with your dipshit friends isn't getting you closer to being a pilot.
Tina Jordan: You were plenty good enough for me. You were just never good enough for you.
Molly: What is your problem with Kirk? Patty: Okay, I don't have a problem with Kirk. I have a problem with you *dating* Kirk.
Kirk: What's wrong with my Neon? Stainer: Oh, I don't know. Except that the people who *make* that car don't even like it.
Devon: Did you hit her car or something?
Devon: What's she doing with numb-nuts here?
Ron: It's gonna be a long flight pirate.
