At age 19, a young woman is jilted at the altar. This leads to a declaration that she will swear off men forever. Now 10 years later, she suddenly decides she would like to have a child. She advertises in the newspaper for potential mates, whether by traditional methods or by sperm donors, but gets nothing but losers. However, two neighborhood men vie for her attention - her gynecologist and a professional clown.
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Darcy: See, people's brains are basically oysters, all mucus-ey and gross... but there is always a grain of sand inside, trying to annoy the oyster into making a pearl... Darcy: ... and not a bogus pearl, either... one with some value, one with some weight... Darcy: ...the kind you cast before swine. Leila Sweet: Come on, Paxil. Darcy: Of course, there is such a thing as a false pearl.
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