Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Let me bring you up to speed... We know nothing. You are now up to speed.
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Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Let me bring you up to speed... We know nothing. You are now up to speed.
Sonia: Story of my life, the men I'm interested in aren't the ones interested in me.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Would you - even though it may lead to injury - marry me?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Nicole is here to service your needs, so feel free to use her in any way you wish.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Let me bring you up to speed... We know nothing. You are now up to speed.
Sonia: Story of my life, the men I'm interested in aren't the ones interested in me.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Would you - even though it may lead to injury - marry me?
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Nicole is here to service your needs, so feel free to use her in any way you wish.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And she does not think she is pretty... And I can never tell her that she is pretty, otherwise... Ponton: Otherwise, what? Insp. Jacques Clouseau: If she knew how pretty she is, she might choose someone other than me.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And your name? Vicenzo: Vicenzo Roccara Squarcialupi Brancaleone. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Oh... That is your name. I thought you were ordering in Italian. Once again. Vicenzo: Vicenzo Roccara Squarcialupi Brancaleone. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Vicen tam-ta-da-tam-tam Don Corleone
Kenji: Have we decided on lunch? Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I'm sure you'll be wanting sushi, my little yellow friend!
Italian Reporter: Mr. Pepperidge, was the Dream Team asleep when the theft occurred? Pepperidge: No comment. Italian Reporter: Do you think they will recover the ring? Pepperidge: If I give a comment, when I said 'no comment.' I would look like a complete ass, wouldn't I?
Pepperidge: Gentlemen, we first have to determine how the crime was committed. And as I am an expert at deduction... Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You are an expert at deduction? Pepperidge: That is my field. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I believe deduction is my field, and since you are experiencing hip pain... Pepperidge: How did you know that? Insp. Jacques Clouseau: One side of the sole of your shoe is more worn than the other; you're favoring your right leg. Pepperidge: Tell me, did you enjoy your double espresso this morning? Insp. Jacques Clouseau: How did you... Pepperidge: Your pupils are noticeably dilated. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And will you be moving out of the Hotel Montmartre? They are doing construction at night around the Montmartre so as not to disturb daytime traffic. From your puffy eyes, I deduce you spent a sleepless night. Pepperidge: Speaking of traffic, are you enjoying your Smart car? Your trousers are wrinkled behind the knees. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And how do you think your favorite football team, Arsenal, will do this year? That matchbox is from the only bar in Paris that shows English football telecasts. Pepperidge: You have tissues in your shoes to make you look taller. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You were finally 14 before you finally learned to enjoy avocado. Pepperidge: Tell me, how did you enjoy your trip to the airport this morning? Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Now, how did you know that? Ponton: Perhaps one of you should begin. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, this is silly. Pepperidge: You've recently lost your favorite cheese grater. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You have an aversion to cow bells! Vicenzo: Stop the insanity and look at this: Vicenzo: Il Tornado is not as careful as he thinks.
British Librarian: I now bring to your attention one of the most stunning treasures inside the British Library's entire collection: the Magna Carta. Turin Guide: And now, over here, perhaps the most cherished ancient artifact in the Western world: the Shroud of Turin. Japanese Curator: The Imperial sword! Joubert's Secretary: Chief Inspector Dreyfus is here to see you. Joubert: Chief Inspector. Dreyfus: Sir. Joubert: I'm sure you know why you're here: the British, the Italians, and the Japanese are assembling an elite squad of their finest detectives, an international Dream Team to track down this... Tornado. Dreyfus: And, uh, France will be represented? Joubert: Exactly. Dreyfus: I am honored, but not surprised. This is the culmination of my career... the moment that I've been waititing for all my life. Joubert: No, no, no. Dreyfus: Well, not all my life, perhaps... Joubert: No, no... Dreyfus: No, nevertheless... Joubert: They want Clouseau, since he is considered the top detective in the world. We have been asked if Clouseau is available to lead the Dream Team. Dreyfus: Clouseau? Joubert: Yes, yes. Joubert: Is there something wrong? Dreyfus: No, no, not at all. Um, would you mind if I uh, use your bathroom just for a moment? Joubert: Certainly. Dreyfus: Thank you. Dreyfus: Clouseau... Dreyfus: I'm afraid, sir, that Clouseau is currently occupied. Joubert: What? Dreyfus: I've assigned him to a mission so important for our country, that I fear for our national security if he was taken off it. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Clearly a violation, parking ticket.
Kenji: What do we know about this man, this... Tornado? Sonia: Well, we know that he's a white male between 50 and 65, with a scar from a bullet hole behind his right shoulder. In 1996, the Tornado was shot right here in France while trying to steal a gold vase. Blood was found, and as a result, his DNA has been on file for over 10 years... without a match. Sonia: I'm sorry I'm a bit late; my flight was delayed.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Nicole... Nicole: Oh. You are traveling? Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Ah yes. Inspector Dreyfus is sending me on a very dangerous mission. Nicole: For how long? When will you return? Insp. Jacques Clouseau: I will return when the criminal is caught; it could be a month, it could be a year. You understand, Nicole? Nicole: Yes, yes of course. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Of course, we will have to stay apart. If the criminal were to say, kidnap me, he would have power over me. Nicole: Why would he have power over you? Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Well... because... because, uh... well... you are like a brother to me. Nicole: Oh. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: A hot, sexy brother in a dress.
Insp. Jacques Clouseau: There was something about burning down a restaurant that ignited other more illicit fires... and I'm sorry about that. Nicole: As am I; terribly remorseful. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: It was a night to remember that we must forget. Nicole: We must never forget to not remember it. Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And if we do remember it, we must immediately forget it. Now let's have a professional hug goodbye.
